Wednesday, December 1, 2010

zip. zilch. zero.

that's how much good news we found out today.

the hubs talked to our specialist and was told that our paperwork is *still* in the ministry.

so, it's true. we've officially passed the typical 4-6 week timeline.

we were told that our agency in korea is hopeful that we will be out of the ministry within the week. they also said they would do what they could to make sure our paperwork goes straight to the US embassy afterwards. and once it does, we will have to wait some more for our visa interview and our visa to be issued by the embassy.

we were also told that our korean agency hopes choi boy will be home by christmas and that they would do what they can to make that happen. and that's all great, but honestly...i never even entertained the fact that choi boy *wouldn't* be home for christmas!

when i first heard this a few hours ago, i was so angry. and frustrated. and upset. and sad. and heartbroken. how could they delay us even further? how could they continue to withhold us from our son? how could they surpass yet another timeline we were given?

our ticker above now reads that we have been waiting for 9 months. nine months. nine months when we were first told 4-6 months and then 5-8 months. at this point, i think, i *think* (don't quote me on this) that the time between our referral and travel is the longest anyone has had to wait in the korea program. and i want to make it absolutely clear that ours was an exceptional case where we just ended up being on the cusp of the timing estimates each time, and that it's just the way the chips fell that things had to be re-estimated every time.

and that's hard. and sad. but it's also the reality that the korea program now faces and will continue to face. i have friends who will, unfortunately, wait even longer to bring their babies home.

and you know what?

there's nothing i can do about it.

no matter how angry, frustrated, upset, sad, and heartbroken i am, there is *nothing* i can do to make this process go faster.

and while i can sit and wallow in self-pity and sadness (which, honestly, is kinda what i've been doing), it's not going to help.

so instead, i'm going to try my darnedest to make the choice to rejoice.

i'm going to rejoice in the fact that we do have a son and that he is healthy and loved and that he *will* be home. and though he might not be home on our timeline, he *will* be home. and though we may not know it right now, there is a reason for this extra wait. perhaps it is to grow our own character and to truly learn and live perserverance. i don't know. but He does.

so. i'm going let go of my own wants and desires and instead, trust and find joy.

and to help me, i'm pulling out the big guns. that's right, friends, christmas cookies; christmas decorating; cheesy chick lit; and even cheesier movies are making themselves cozy in my life.

and you know what else helps?

all of YOU.

you and your love and support and encouagement mean the world to me. truly...i cried reading each of your comments here and on f*book and feel so cared for knowing that your prayers and thoughts are with us. we are so thankful for each of you that make up this incredible community.
i would be an even bigger hot mess without you.

oh, and p.s. we've already been told we won't hear anything until monday. never in my life have i wanted it to be monday so badly.

33 comments:

  1. hugs, grace. I'm so sorry you're past you're due date. Your choice to rejoice is the mature one and really the only emotionally healthy one. Praying that you are holding the world's cutest Christmas present ever on the 25th.

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  2. Ugh. This just flat sucks for you guys. You have a good attitude -- better than I would, I think. Enjoy those cookies. Hopefully that will help take away a bit of the sting.

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  3. Oh, Grace. I'm practically "ugly crying" for you right now... I want so badly to make it better for you. I don't even know what to say. Hugs my friend, hugs. :-(

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  4. oh, grace...i KNOW. i know it's so so hard. good for you for choosing to rejoice! i know that's not the natural reaction!

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  5. Oh, my friend... I'm so, so sorry. It's even harder to handle the long time line when you've been promised a shorter one over and over. And you're doing it with such grace (no pun intended. or maybe... maybe it was!).
    I think your embracing of all things holiday and indulgent sounds like THE BEST IDEA you could possibly pursue right now! Treat yourself very very well, and do whatever you need to to get through this.
    ((((((hugs!!!)))))

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  6. My heart is breaking reading this. I am so sorry. It is just so awful.
    I am admiring your decision to rejoice when it would be so much easier to get lost in your grief.
    Hoping and praying for good news soon.

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  7. I admire your choice! HAVE FUN, eat cookies, watch Cheesy Christams movies. And you are so right, there is a bigger reason, it is just SO DARN HARD TO step back and see it, not does it make it any easier. Prayers for Christmas and good news by the end of this week!

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  8. I'm praying for you - for good news SOON! Nine months is so incredibly crazy and wrong. You are a strong woman!

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  9. I'm sooooo sorry, dear!!! That is just plain unfair...but praise God for your son, who WILL be home very soon. Grant is waiting to meet his BFF and we'll continue to pray until you are holding your little one in your arms!

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  10. i am so sorry. you have a great outlook which is so hard to have, especially in the middle of all this, decorate away, choi boy will want to see the house all festive. Don't entertain the thought that he won't make it home for Christmas.

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  11. I just want to drive down there and give you a hug!!! The choice to rejoice thing is perfect. Your such a strong mama!! Enjoy the cookies. I'll be praying!!

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  12. i've been praying so hard that you would find out good news today...
    i'm so sad for you all... we love you all and will continue to pray, pray, pray!

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  13. this is not what i wanted to read! nope. not at all. but you are so, right...as hard as this part of the (extra long) wait is, you have the right idea - your son is safe and loved and will soon be home with you (and to embrace the season and cookies with all your might). and please trust me - all the pain and angst and worry you have right now will instantly fade away when choi boy is in your sight and you hold him in your arms.
    STAY STRONG.
    HUGS!

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  14. i'm sorry...i was crying..then i read christine's comment about ugly crying and it made me laugh. so right now i have a smile on my face...not just because of christine's comment but because you are SOOOO RIGHT! rejoice, it's the only thing we can do at this point..nothing else. our anger and frustration only affects us and nothing else. i'm sooo ready for monday girl!! SO READY!! but for now enjoy those cookies and cheesy bits and curl up on the sofa..enjoy every movie you can! laugh and cry..it good for the soul! xo!

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  15. Oh, Grace. I am praying so hard that Choi Boy is home for Christmas, too. You have been through so much during this wait, and now it's time for him to come home already!! But rejoice is right. Enjoy all those Christmasy things and I will be thinking of you!

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  16. I'm so sorry. This truly sucks. That is all...I hate this for you.
    Thinking of, and praying for you. Whoppers always helped me...and Chipotle...and ice cream. Love you

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  17. Oh Grace this SUCKS SO BAD! You are good to try to see the positive in this but holy cow, that is hard right now, isn't it? Even though we both have friends that will wait longer than you at least they knew this up front. You have had a moving target and that is so much harder (believe me, I know). I agree with everyone else that you should treat yourself to every cheesy and fun luxury you can think of. It won't make it better, but it might - just might - take the sting out temporarily. Toward the end of our wait (also a moving target) I asked my boss if I could take Fridays off and she was totally cool about it. Each Friday I did something fun and relaxing just for me. It helped - a bit. Hugs!

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  18. I don't know what to say other than I am praying Monday comes fast and with great news. I'm so sorry Grace.

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  19. Noooo! I was so hoping to find good news (or even, any news) when I tuned into your blog today. I'm so sorry. It just plain and simple sucks. I hope you hear something good on Monday. It is so hard to let go of those internal timelines you have made for yourself (and keep pushing them back, over and over). Wish I could visit and commiserate. Hang in there.

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  20. Hi Grace, looks like I am going to be in your situation next christmas. I am expecting my referral around February and we were hoping to have our child home with us for Christmas. It is so awful having Christmas this year without a child. But we have been told that our exit permits for Australia might be all spoken for by people ahead of me already! Take a look at what I wrote yesterday: http://aussiechubbymonkey.blogspot.com/2010/12/exit-permits.html
    makes me so sad.

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  21. Grace, I'm so sorry. My heart was breaking as I read this. I admire you for looking at the positive in all of this - that's hard to do. I hope the rest of this week flies by for you and that Monday comes with good news. I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. Hugs.

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  22. Oh, Grace, my heart hurts for you. The unknown and the long wait are just too much. But you have so many people praying for you and rejoicing with you....and when you get The Call, you'll be able to hear our loud cheers from all around! Until then, He'll bring you peace and joy.

    Hugs to you.

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  23. I'm so sorry that our EPs have not been approved yet. I'm hoping that Eastern gets the rest of the paperwork moving super speedy. I still think we'll get coffee in Seoul this Dec. Hugs!

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  24. Grace, you KNOW I am thinking of you---and I say that you & Min should be calling DC next week---we came out---you guys should've as well this week! I'm thinking positive & sending (((HUGS))) your way that you'll have great news to post about Choi boy very, very soon!

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  25. Grace, this is so crappy! I'm sorry and I'm thinking of you guys! I had hoped you'd have gotten your travel call by now. I'm so sad. I say Christmas cookies, cheesy movies, Christmas lights, whatever you need. Go for it.

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  26. This stinks. It just plain stinks. When we had to wait our 8+ months it killed me so I understand completely. You have a good cry and then do exactly what you are doing because you are correct - there is nothing you can do about it. And, it's hard having no control. But, once you are able to accept that and "somewhat" let go you can find some peace. You know he's being well taken care of and that is comforting. Indulge. Sleep. Spend some quality time with the hubs. When you get a chance, email me your mailing address - I have a little something I would like to send you. My email is michelle_fuller@att.net. Hang in there, you're almost there and we're all here for you. :)

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  27. well this just plain stinks. :( i would be beside myself if i were you. i think you are handling all of this just beautifully and i think it's amazing that you can try and put a positive spin on things. I know it ain't easy.
    i truly hope that next week brings the news that you so very much need to hear. xoxo

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  28. Oh honey, I am so, so, SOOOOO sorry! This is just so painful and unfair. I will PRAY, PRAY, PRAY that you guys have the BEST Christmas gift ever - holding your son in your arms! That will be a Christmas you will *never* forget. Never.

    You said it SO well in your post, so I'm just going to copy and paste your own words. They are words to live by. Especially right now. xoxo

    "i'm going to rejoice in the fact that we do have a son and that he is healthy and loved and that he *will* be home. and though he might not be home on our timeline, he *will* be home. and though we may not know it right now, there is a reason for this extra wait. perhaps it is to grow our own character and to truly learn and live perserverance. i don't know. but He does.

    so. i'm going let go of my own wants and desires and instead, trust and find joy."

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  29. so not fair. my heart hurts just thinking about how long you've been waiting for your sweet boy. hugs a million times over!!

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  30. Grace, I'm so, so sorry to be reading this post. I was hoping you'd hear something (anything!) by Thanksgiving. Although I don't know you IRL, my heart breaks for what you are going through and I had a few tears in my eyes reading your heartache. I pray Monday brings great news!

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  31. sending you all my best. hang in there and do whatever you have to, to get through this time. xoxo

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why, hello there! do you have something to say? 'cause i'd so love to hear it!