So, yes, realizing that my kiddo is growing up is rather sucky. But one of the small silver linings is having conversations with Choi Boy. Kids are so unintentionally hilarious and say the most ridiculous things! After cracking up over some of the gems Lil' CB was (inadvertently) coming up with, I decided to start recording them in one place so we could hold on to them and embarrass him share them with him when he's older.
I personalized a pocket-sized Moleskine cahier notebook (available in my shop!) and started jotting away, even tucking it into my purse for extended trips. It's not the most sophisticated method, but it's quick, easy, and gets the job done. I'm nearly at the end of the notebook I started last Spring, and I plan on making another one once this one is filled and I look forward to having lots of filled notebooks to hold on to as the years goes by.
Here are some of my favorite gems captured over the last few months:
See what I mean? Awesome. And years from now, when CB is a teenager and hates talking to me, I'll crack open these little notebooks and laugh over and treasure these gems. (Why am I so sappy and emotional lately?? I'm going to be a mess on the first day of Kindergarten...never mind high school graduation...)
Do you keep track of your little one's funny quotes?
Hi, there. Remember me? I used to blog around these parts and then fell off the face of the internet about 6 months ago? (Yikes, 6 months?!)
We've been busy running our little rodeo, and although nothing's really changed from 6 months ago until now, somehow life just feels busier. And in addition to it feeling busier, all of a sudden it feels like we've really got a big boy on our hands... Over the past few months, we've seen our little Choi Boy grow up into truly a boy. No trace of toddler left in him and the preschooler in him is even beginning to slowly morph into this full-on boy. It's hard and scary to believe that in just 6 short months, CB will be a full-fledged school-age kid in Kindergarten!
As I think about this, I'm simultaneously in awe and disbelief that 1) I've managed to keep CB alive and well for several years (hardy har har) and 2) that time has been moving even more quickly than it did when he was a wee little one. And here's the thing about time: it's so stealthy...you've all heard that saying, "The days are long, but the years are short"? It's SO true. There are days that seem to go for, well, days, and then I blink and suddenly I've got this independent little man on my hands that doesn't need his momma nearly as much as he used to.
Don't get me wrong, CB still needs help with lots of things -- he's still in a 5-point harness car seat, for cryin' out loud (he's a looooong way from that 40-lb mark!). But, now at almost 4 and a half, he'll play independently for upwards of 2 hours; can shower almost completely by himself; fearlessly walks up to information desks and food service workers to ask for help at the library or at restaurants; and when he gets up in the morning, he gets up to use the bathroom on his own and starts playing basketball in his room, not caring that the hubs and I might still be asleep. (It's kind of hilarious to wake up to the sound of him shooting hoops in room and doing his own commentary. We often hear phrases like, "I'm on fire!" "He makes it all the way from downtown!!" at 6:30am -- for reals.
Also, he's totally into pulling crazy stunts like this:
On the one hand, it's been a lot of fun hanging out with my little big kid, and while whining is certainly still present, it's not nearly as awful as it was when he was younger. But on the other hand, I just want to stop time.
Stop time while CB is still little enough to be scooped up in my arms. Stop time while he is still little enough not to be embarrassed by endless hugs and kisses from his momma. Stop time while he's still got remnants of the soft, high-pitched little kid voice, with the cutest lisp ever to boot. Stop time while he still loves to draw me cute giant-headed people pictures just because. Stop time while he loves to sing songs to himself and said songs are ones like, "You are My Sunshine" and "Three Little Birds." Stop time while he plays independently, but still wants to be near me.
Stop time while he might not always need me, but always wants me.
I know the reality is that I can't stop time. So instead, I am going to make every effort to be more intentional and more engaged...because before I know it, I'll look back on this time, wondering how he got even bigger, even more quickly...
Yikes! I haven't been around these parts since MAY! Eeeeee...What can I say? I've been procrastinating busy! ;) Actually, there is truth in that. June always brings end-of-the-year madness and since school got out 2 weeks ago, we've been busy having fun!
And to help document our fun, it's time for our annual Summer Fun List!
Last year, we had so much fun with our Summer Fun List and were able to complete almost all of the activities on it, so we knew that it would be a continuing summer tradition for our family. For this summer's list, I added many of the same activities that were tried and true because I knew that Choi Boy would love them, and I also thought that any repeated activities would also be met with new understanding and appreciation now that CB is older. We also added some new activities and included trips we had already planned onto our list, because who doesn't love things you can check off right away? ;)
For easiness' (or laziness' depending on how you look at it!) sake, I wrote up our Summer Fun List on our chalkboard this year. I figured if we wanted to erase a particular activity that for some reason we knew wouldn't work and add a new one in its place, it would be easy to do with the list on a chalkboard.
Here's what this year's list looks like:
Again, like last year, I wanted to make sure that the list had a good mix of activities, projects, and outings. I also wanted to make sure the list included a lot of low cost or free things (I LOVE free things!!). Finally, I also wanted to make sure the list wasn't too overwhelming and that completing most of it was attainable.
We've already checked off some of the things on our list and have scheduled dates to complete many others!
So far, we've already taken our first trip of the summer to Boston: (Do you recognize some familiar faces??)
And we really enjoyed a concert at a local outdoor theatre! (This is Elizabeth Mitchell and her band in concert. She is our favorite children's musician and is AMAZING in concert -- definitely worth catching if she's ever in your area!)
We've also taken a trip to our farmer's market and have begun our library's summer reading program. And even though some of the items on our list our things we do semi-regularly (such as visiting the farmer's market or going to our local farm), somehow, because they are on our list and we get to check them off, it makes the activities even more fun!
What activities do you have planned for you and your littles this summer?
P.S. On my Summer To-Do List is blogging. For reals, yo.
I've shared in a few previous blog posts about my disdain for a certain little blue tank engine. But, I've never shared exactly why I dislike him so much. So, indulge me for a moment while I dive into the incredible annoyingness that is Thomas the Tank Engine.
First off, he and his buddies are freaky. In fact, it took Choi Boy a while to actually warm up to Thomas and his friends and he called them scary for a long time (while I not-so-silently-cheered and happily directed him towards other toys and characters). The exaggerated facial expressions scared CB and I was happy to keep him away from them. However, once CB became super interested in the trains, the exaggerated faces became hilarious to him and I'm sad to say that he often imitates them. Especially the angry faces. Grrr. Literally. (On the other hand, check out this fascinating study about children with autism and their connection with Thomas and Friends' exaggerated expressions!)
Secondly, Thomas and his friends are often whiny and pouty and boastful and mean to each other. They make fun of each other; play tricks on one another; and everything is always a competition between the trains. And they're always getting into trouble with Sir Topham Hatt! Their behavior is just not what I want my 3 year-old to watch and absorb.
Finally, he's eeeeeeverywhere. I'm not kidding. EVERYWHERE. When we were in Korea in 2010 he was everywhere there, too! You're probably wondering why on earth I would expose my child to Thomas when I dislike him so much. The thing is, I don't. Not really. But, if we walk into the book store or library, the Thomas books are prominently displayed. And when we go to friends' houses, and all the kids want to watch Thomas, I'm not going to be *that* mom and not let my child watch. And, of course, when Choi Boy doting aunts, uncles, grandparents, great uncles and great aunts find out he likes Thomas, Thomas he gets. What's worse is that, as Mrs. Yo-Yo once said, Thomas is the gateway train and only sets some major train-lovin' in motion. Sigh.
Since that darn tank engine is everywhere, we do try to limit his exposure to him when we can, esepecially when it comes to watching the Thomas and Friends show. At home, I don't let CB watch Thomas. We don't get the channels that show it on our TV, so the only way CB can watch is online or on DVD. We once borrowed a couple Thomas DVDs from the library and quickly decided we would not be borrowing anymore. I do let CB borrow one Thomas book from the library on each visit, because as silly as it sounds, I do want to respect his literary choices.
We've really cut back on CB's screen time, but when he does watch something on the tube (maybe a total of 1-2 hours on the weekends only), here are the shows that are momma approved for Choi Boy (and while I still have almost full control of what he does and doesn't watch, we'll be sticking to this list!):
Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood: People, I love this show. LOVE it. (Confession: sometimes I watch it on my own. On purpose.) It is so developmentally appropriate for toddlers and preschoolers and the songs are so catchy and fun. I love the connection to Mister Rogers' Neighborhood (an old favorite of mine) and the lessons are simple, yet powerful. Plus, the characters are so darn cute!
Curious George: Yes, it's true, George is a mischievious little monkey. But he's never malicious, and I always play up the fact that George is a monkey and not a child which can be used to explain some of his crazy antics. I also love that there is a Math or Science lesson embedded within each 12 minute episode.
Super Why: I feel that some shows that try to integrate letter learning and early reading skills can often feel forced, but I don't feel that with Super Why. Also, the methods the characters use to boost phonological awareness are actually pretty sound.
Chuggington: Chuggington has become our great train compromise. While there is a little more silliness and poking fun in this show versus the ones listed above, it is still presented in an age-appropriate way with much more easy-to-read redemption in those situations. Plus, this show has many more positive female characters, which is something that is seriously lacking in the Thomas stories. I really love the fact that the fastest chugger is a girl!
While I can't keep Choi Boy totally and completely away from Thomas the Tank Engine, I am not ashamed to admit that I will excitedly tout the awesomeness of of the characters on my "approved" list in order to downplay Thomas...I'm so bad. ;)
Tell me I can't be the only one...what children's characters do you hate? Which do you love?
I'm a firm believer in chores. Not so much to earn an allowance, but to instill a sense of responsibility and partnership in helping your family at home. Since young children love "helping" out, it was easy to capitalize on that desire at a very early age and help Choi Boy develop the routine of doing his chores.
For example, CB has always loved helping with the laundry and helps by putting clothes into the washer and pulling clothes out of the dryer. He also likes to pour detergent into the washer and he firmly believes it is his job to press the "play" button on both the washer and dryer. He also loves Swiffer-ing the hardwood floors and loves to have a turn after I've done an initial sweep. While both of those examples require direct adult guidance and set-up, we've also been working on chores that CB can do with near complete independence.
When Choi Boy came home at 15 months, he had good comprehension of things we were saying and was able to understand simple one-step directions like, "Put your shirt in the hamper." That soon became one of his jobs and he knows that it is his job to put his dirty clothes in his hamper. Now at three and a half, he also asks whether his clothes go in the hamper or on top, since he re-wears some pieces of clothing (pajamas for 2 nights, jeans and sweatshirts for 2 or 3 wears, etc).
As his physical ability and agility developed, we added more to the list of chores he is able and expected to with little to no help. When introducing the idea of independent chores to CB, we framed it by telling him that these would be ways for him to help his family. We told him that we all have jobs outside the house (his being going to school) and that we also have jobs inside the house. We also told him that since he was able to do so much more, we were trusting him with doing these jobs because we knew he could do them and do them well.
I toyed with the idea of creating an actual chore chart, but in the end decided that right now it might be more work for him and me to keep up the routine of a chore chart since he does so well either remembering his jobs on his own or does them with one reminder. I think when CB is older and able to handle chores that are more specific and less time-dependent (for example, vacuuming or dusting) and/or he is able to read and keep track of time and days of the week (for chores like "take the recycling out on Thursday"), we will implement a chore chart.
So, what are CB's chores? At three and a half, he has 4 "major" chores in addition to small responsibilities such as getting dressed or putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. His current jobs are: setting the table (this is also a great way to practice counting and sorting!); wiping the table with a wet cloth after meals -- he does the initial wipe to take care of the crumbs and then I do another wipe with cleaner; keeping his shoes lined up and orderly on the stairs (our tiny garage does not have enough space for all of our shoes and since we are a shoe-free house, keeping them on the stairs helps CB quickly get his shoes on before leaving the house); and feeding the dog before breakfast and dinner.
All of these chores are ones that CB can do independently and without much supervision (except when he's standing on the chair like that!). He is so proud that he can help in these ways and takes great care in doing his jobs. We did have some issues with him feeding the dog (because it was just too tempting not play around with all that kibble!), so he lost the "privilege" of doing that chore for a few days and once he "earned" it back, he has shown greater responsibility and restraint when scooping our pup's kibble. ;) Funny story, CB truly does take pride in being able to care for our dog and has been overheard many times saying things like, "Be patient, girl...I have to help you because you don't have arms, okay?"
We'll continue to build on this list of chores as CB grows older and we hope that it continues to build a sense of responsibility in our little dude. I'm sure there'll come a day that CB will see these chores as, well, a chore, but our hope is that even then, the idea of helping at home will be so ingrained in him that he'll do them anyway without much of a fight. (Haha...I can just picture a middle school-aged CB just rolling his eyes at that!)
What are some ways your kiddo helps around your home?
But, alas, Choi Boy is growing up and is now halfway between 3 and 4. And here are some things that our 3 and a half year-old is up to...
The Basics
First up, some stats: our little guy is still on the little side at just under 38" and about 32 pounds. He wears a toddler size 8 shoe and is mostly in 2T clothes, but also has some 3T pieces he is starting to wear and even has some 18-24 mos stuff he still fits into! I think we're hitting a growth spurt, though, because my good eater is suddenly a phenomenal eater and has been eating as much as I eat (and I EAT -- I am not one of those "just a side salad with dressing on the side" girls! ;) ) at meals!
Thrilling Threes
To be frank, three has been a challenging age. CB knows more and understands more and therefore wants more -- more independence, more stuff, more everything...and the defiance and tantrum that will sometimes ensue when he doesn't get more ain't pretty. But, this is neither the time nor the place to go into further detail about CB's less than awesome traits, so that's all I'll say about that. (Also, I don’t believe in the Terrible Twos. Someone recently told me that whoever coined the phrase “Terrible Twos” hadn’t yet gone through the Threes with her child yet. Ha!) However, there has also been so much about 3 year-old CB that is loads of fun! My friend once told me that as her son got older, the hard times definitely got harder, but the sweet times also got so much sweeter. So far, I'm going to have to agree with that!
Chatty Choi Boy
When we're out and about, the thing that people comment most about is how much CB talks. I am not kidding when I say that he talks ALL. day. long. He will talk to anyone and everyone about anything and will narrate pretend play situations when he's playing by himself. He'll say things like, "'Don't go down there!' he cried. 'But I'm stuck!,' she shouted back." It's actually very cute, but can sometimes drive you slightly nuts in certain situations (like, say, when you're driving around looking for a place you've never been to and your child keeps talking over the GPS lady. Not that that's ever happened or anything.).
I sometimes wonder what people think when they overhear snippets of CB's conversations. Like yesterday when we were dropping off a prescription and CB wondered aloud, "Mommy, whose husband am I?" or when we were at the autobody shop and he asked, "What is this giant phone for? Where do you see the emails?" (He was asking about a fax machine) or when we were grocery shopping and he wondered, "Does everyone have a butt? Even Moses? Even Jesus?" or when we were at the shoe store and he squealed, "Oh, Mommy, look at those adorable leopard print shoes! Are they your size?" (I *might* take him shopping with me too much...)
Never a dull moment with this one!
Ciao, Choo-choos?
CB's love of trains seems to be slowly
waning. While they have provided hours of independent play (usually
daily!) for CB, I can't say I'm sorry to see them make their final
departure. There is only so much (annoying, whiny) Thomas a momma can
take, you know?? I think they'll still be around a little bit longer,
but they're definitely of less intense interest than before. It seems
that superheroes might be next on the obsession list, and I am
not-so-secretly excited for that -- I mean, c'mon, Superman is SO much
cooler than Thomas.
(Cue the awesome Clark Kent/Superman montage, please.)
Music Man
CB is also big into making up songs and singing songs lately. He is embarrassingly obsessed with "Gangnam Style" and will break into the dance at any given moment. This is especially embarrassing at church. Other favorite songs include, "I Like to Move it, Move it," "Three Little Birds," "Jingle Bells," "Father Abraham," and "Jesus Loves Me." It should be noted that he sings none of these songs with all of the correct lyrics! "You are My Sunshine" holds a special place in our hearts and any time CB hears it, he turns to me and says, "It's our song, Mommy!"
Here's a sampling of CB's singing "skillz". Please ignore my stage mom attitude as I press him to keep singing:
Mock Jock
Choi Boy still loves all sports and is always on the move. However, we've learned over the last 6 months that he is not quite ready for organized sports. He took a weekly soccer class in the Fall and while he really is quite good at handling the ball and kicking and dribbling it, he spent most of the class not doing what the teacher was asking and trying to play basketball instead. We also sampled a gymnastics class and it was the same story...He totally thought he was hilarious, though. (Me, notsomuch) We were going to hold off on more classes, but CB has asked to take swimming lessons, which we want to start sooner than later any way, so we'll see how it goes when we start in May! My dad also wants to start working on CB's golf skills once the weather gets warmer, so perhaps more individualized sports are the way to go for our ball of energy!
School Dude
Choi Boy continues to love school and is having lots of fun with his "school buddies," as he calls them. He loves learning and still has a deep love and appreciate for books (lately, his favorite is his Jesus Storybook Bible), which makes this teacher momma's heart burst with pride. CB also seems to know all his uppercase letters, most of his lowercase letters, numbers 1-10 (he actually learned these from the numbers on the Thomas trains...I suppose they *are* good for something!), and has recently become very interested in letter sounds. He's been really into saying a word, isolating the first sound, and then telling me the letter it starts with. He's also been listing things that (he thinks) start with the same letter -- he doesn't yet believe me that kitty and cake start with different letters. CB loves spelling his name and my name out loud and has also taken an interest in writing his name. But because I've been insistent that he write lowercase letters for all the letters after the capital C, I don't anticipate that he'll master this for a while longer.
Shortly after he turned 3, CB started drawing people with a face and legs and arms coming out of the head. His drawings are so cute! This one is my personal fave, from a birthday card for his "girlfriend". They are holding hands:
(I love that they have eyebrows!)
Thrilling Threes
I know I started this post lamenting the woes of parenting a three year-old, but after writing all of this out and really thinking through what CB is doing lately, I have to admit, it really is a lot of FUN, too! It's so awesome to have actual conversations and inside jokes and to hear and see all the things the CB is able to say and do. He loves to reminisce about recent (and even not so recent -- his memory is amazing!) events and pray for people he's thinking about. He can be so tender and kind and has developed a serious love for babies. He loves to create imaginative play scenarios and he really is never bored. Yes, there are tantrums and moments of sheer preschool irrationality, but hanging around a three a half-year old really is thrilling...
Choi Boy is quite the talker. Seriously, he wakes up talking, talks allllllll day long, and falls asleep talking to himself. He'll talk about anything and everything and will talk to anyone who'll listen. Actually, he'll talk to anyone, regardless if they're listening. Actually, he'll talk to anyone or anything.
You get the picture.
When CB really took off with his talking and was putting multiple words together, we would rephrase and repeat a lot phrases to him -- phrases that we wanted him to use on his own. And remarkably, they stuck and have become his stock phrases. While CB totally has a sense of humor befitting a 3 year-old boy and his vocabulary reflects that, it's nice to hear these stock phrases sprinkled into his conversations.
Many of CB's stock phrases are common and generic, but an added bonus is that it's also changed the way the hubs and I talk. In fact, many of these phrases came about in our home because Choi Boy was repeating something the way we were saying it and it just sounded unpleasant when we heard it parroted back to us by a toddler.
Here are some of CB's stock phrases:
*May I... I was big stickler on this one because I am just not a fan of hearing kids requesting things so casually. All day long at school I hear variations of "Can I have it?" "I want that!", etc. And while the motive behind CB's "May I"s is the same as all those other variations, at least he sounds a little polite while asking!
*Yes, please and No, thank you: Again, I wanted to make sure that whether CB was receiving or refusing something, he was at least doing so politely. I've mentioned before that CB is somewhat (okay, I really mean TOTALLY) spoiled by his grandparents and great aunts and uncles, so he is offered lots and lots of goodies. I wanted to make sure that he sounded grateful when accepting said goodies!
*Yes: NOT "yeah." Call me a stick-in-the-mud but I hate the way "yeah" sounds (unless you're Usher). Besides, "yes" sounds SO cute coming out of a little one's mouth!
*Pardon?: This one came about because of terrible habit I had of saying, "Huh?" (because that's way classier than "yeah") when I needed something repeated. We dabbled with "Excuse me?" as an alternative, but that phrase has the potential of sounding a bit snarky, so we went with Pardon; perfect for my Anglophile self.
*Jahl Muhk Uh Seum Nee Dah: This one is Korean, literally translated to "I ate well," but with a meaning more like, "Thank you for the meal." We are trying to use more Korean with Choi Boy, so the hubs has worked hard to help CB remember to say this at the end of our family meals.
*Excuse me: We've been working hard on this phrase for when CB wants to say something while grown-ups are talking. It's coming along, but we're working on having CB wait for acknowledgement after saying Excuse me, so rather than just launching into, "Excuse me, may I have a cookie? May I have another cookie? Mommy, may I have a cookie???", he waits for a second or two.
*Sure!: This wasn't one that we necessarily intended for CB to pick up on, but he has since I say so it often. It's incredibly adorable and upbeat and makes me smile every time!
* * *
As I mentioned, it's been fun to hear and see how these phrases have become a part of our whole family's vocabulary and I love the extra dose of decorum they bring into our lives! It is much needed, as much of our every day is otherwise very casual:
Let me preface this post by sharing two things/disclaimers:
1. I am stickler for playground safety. When I was 6, I fell off the monkey bars (I was hanging upside down -- not following the rules!) and broke my collar bone. It was awfully painful, but the worst part was that I had to have inside recess for a month! I've seen waaaaay too many kids sent to the hospital with broken bones or concussions from getting hurt on the playground. Even with careful supervision, accidents happen left and right and they can be quite scary!
2. I have zero tolerance for bullying. That's probably an obvious thing to say (I mean, who stands up *for* bullying?), but I really believe that any time bullying goes unnoticed or unaddressed, the bully gains more power and it perpetuates the cycle.
Did you totally hear the teacher in me in those two points? I did. ;)
Like most three year-olds, Choi Boy loves going to the playground. And I love going with him. We have lots of fun playing, pretending, exploring, and trying out the different playground structures and equipment. Being at the playground together is something we both enjoy and it's one of times where I love playing with CB (admittedly, playing trains doesn't excite me as much as it does CB). I will admit that there are times when I send a quick text or stop to Instagram a photo of CB playing, but for the most part, we play on the playground together -- I climb with him when I can, and when I can't, I make sure I'm right next to him to spot him or help him if he needs help. If we meet up with friends at the playground, it's no different -- the kids might play together, but the parents make sure we still follow the kids around. (In a lot of ways, this actually makes it stressful to be at the playground with friends -- we just end up chasing our own kiddos around the playground because they often don't play together!) Things will probably change as CB grows older, but it will be quite a while until I feel that he is able to play on the playground unsupervised. This is the one area where I will admit to being a bit of helicopter parent. In other settings and during other times, I highly encourage independent play, exploration, and problem-solving, but when CB's direct safety on structures that are often more than twice his height is concerned, you can bet I'll be there hovering!
This is why it really irks me when parents don't properly supervise their children on the playground. Especially when the children are young, like 7 years-old (2nd grade) or younger. (And don't even get me started on mall playgrounds or fast food restaurant playgrounds! My parents own a quick-service restaurant and they have had to call the police more than once because parents have dropped their young children off at the playground and left the restaurant for over an hour! Crazypants. But that's for a different post...) More than a few times, I've helped a fallen child get back up while her parent was sitting on a bench unaware that her child had gotten hurt. More than a few times, I've told a child that the stunt they were about to try probably wasn't a good idea (walking on top of the play structure as if it were a tightrope, for example). And just a few weeks ago, I took my crazy playground mom self to a whole new level when I reprimanded someone else's child.
Again, I have zero tolerance for bullying. There are times when yes, I should probably stay out of it, but in a lot of ways, I feel that it is my duty as a parent, as a teacher, as a citizen to say something when I see it. Especially when it involves young children. This particular incident did involve young children, CB being one of them. While at the playground, CB found some other three(ish) year-old kids to play with and they were having a grand old time together playing "store" under one of the bigger structures. I stood just outside of their little gathering where I could still keep an eye and ear on things. Another one of the kid's parents also stood nearby and we smiled at each other when the kids said or did something that was particularly cute or funny. One of the little boys CB was playing with had come to the playground with an older boy who was maybe 6 years-old. Their moms were on the other side of the playground with a baby in a stroller, chatting.
The older boy, who was riding his bike on the playground, started throwing mulch at his little friend, taunting him about something. He probably just wanted to be included, but took to mulch throwing instead. The younger boy asked him to stop several times, but the older boy kept laughing and throwing. Soon he started to throw mulch at all of the younger kids and they all asked him to stop. When he wouldn't stop (and I made sure to wait until after the kids had asked him to stop because at that point it was clear that they didn't like it), I looked at him, made eye contact, and told him, "They have asked you to stop. It is unsafe for you to throw mulch and they don't like it. You need to stop." He looked a little startled and took off on his bike. He didn't come back, and instead hung around his mom until they left.
Who knows what his mom would have said or done if she had seen me talk sternly to her child... and perhaps the kid even told his mom about the crazy lady that yelled at him. But you know what? I don't feel any remorse for doing what I did. And I hope if he did tell his mom, she would have said to him, "Well, you shouldn't have been throwing mulch! You know better than that!" Because that's what I would have said. Because if I wasn't keeping tabs on Choi Boy at the playground (or in any other setting, for that matter), and he did something that was unsafe or mean or unkind, I would want someone to say something to him. Because I want CB to know that even I don't hear it or see it, he is still accountable for his actions. If I'm honest, I know there probably will come a day when I won't be watching and CB will do something that is less than desirable or he will get hurt. And when that happens, I do hope there is another crazy playground mom around who will say something to help correct his behavior or help him up.
How about you? How would you have responded to that situation? Are you a crazy playground parent?
A few weeks ago, I had a pretty big mommy fail. Choi Boy, who has been fully potty-trained for almost 9 months, had an accident -- only the 3rd pee accident he's ever had since those first 3 days. And it was TOTALLY my fault.
You see, my little boy, who is eager to grow in his independence, headed to the bathroom by himself while we were at a Christmas party. He does this all the time at home and knew where the bathroom was at his friend's house, so it didn't seem like it would be an issue. In fact, I didn't even realize CB had headed to the bathroom until I heard him frantically shouting, "Mommy! Mommy! Come fast!!!" I rushed into the bathroom and found CB in tears saying, "I had an accident, Mommy! I peed in my pants..." He was so sad...and *I* was so sad when I realized that the reason he peed in his pants was because he couldn't get his skinny jeans off by himself.
:(
Sigh.
Back when we initially potty trained, I relented and kept Choi Boy in elastic-waist pants and shorts to help the process go more smoothly. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of little boys in sweatpants and basketball shorts all day, every day. And I know there's probably only a small window of time before that's all CB wants to wear! So, once the cooler autumn weather rolled in, we were back to skinny jeans and cords for CB...
He has been really great about getting his pants off and back on by himself and asks for help if/when he needs it. And never once has he complained about the clothes I put him in (secretly, I think he likes them ;)...despite how miserable he might look in that picture!).
I guess this time he had just held out for too long and the jeans were just too skinny. And after seeing his face last week, I'll most likely retire that pair.
We won't be abandoning button and zipper pants altogether, but we'll be leaning a little more heavily on elastic-waist pants. And while little girls definitely have a leg up (haha) in this department with all the variations of adorable leggings that are available to them, take heart, moms of boys, because we aren't just limited to sweatpants -- hurrah!
We have this pair of cargo pants from the Gap that we bought early in the Fall and we also have these elastic-waist skinny cargos from Korea that are a pretty close second to CB's now-retired skinny jeans.
(Not sure why he's standing on his tippy toes!)
I don't plan on buying any more pants until Choi Boy is ready for the next size up (his old skinnies are actually 18-24 months...and yes, I do still feel terrible about the whole incident!), so we will have throw sweatpants into the mix more frequently. But, when CB isready for new, bigger pants, you can bet we'll be looking into these very cute, non-sweatpants elastic-waist pants!
Now that Choi Boy is 3 and understanding so much, we wanted to be intentional about teaching him the story of our Savior's birth.
At the end of last month, I found this Christmas Countdown book that seemed just right for a 3 year-old. Each day tells a small part of the Christmas story and includes a suggestion for an activity, a prayer, and a short bible verse. It has been perfect for a short evening family devotion and has been easy for CB to understand.
He has loved learning about Baby Jesus and His birthday! In fact, CB began asking if he could get such and such for Baby Jesus as a birthday present. We told CB that all Jesus wants is his heart (meaning his love -- we cleared up the literal heart very early on!) and since then, he's been talking about how he will give Baby Jesus his heart for his birthday. :)
We also have a "traditional" chocolate advent calendar that we have enjoyed opening and reading as a sweet treat after our devotion.
CB has been happy to share his chocolate and loves finding the number for each day.
It has been so much fun and such a blessing!
Of course, while it's been mostly sweetness and love as CB really shows us that he is beginning to understand what the hoopla is all about, it hasn't been without the usual CB hilarity...
Case in point:
At church the other week, we walked in as they were singing "O Come All Ye Faithful." CB looked up at me excitedly after he heard "O Come" and said, "Oppan Gangnam Style!"
Um. Not exactly, buddy. ;)
And one more:
CB has loved reading our Christmas devotions, but let's be honest, his favorite part is the chocolate. The other day, when he asked if it was time to read and I told him it was, he jumped up and down and shouted, "YES!!! Jesus chocolate!"
Such a silly little dude! So blessed to be celebrating our third Christmas together!
It's been a full month since Choi Boy started preschool. And with four weeks under my little guy's belt, I thought I'd give an update on how things have been going.
I'll let CB speak for himself first.
Tell us how you really feel about school, CB.
Heehee. The hubs took these pictures before dropping CB off at school on his first day (I was already at work) and this one was just too good not to post!
All kidding aside, CB has really taken to school. He loves, loves, LOVES going to big boy school and is tickled to be going to school at Mommy's school. (My Kindergartners LOVE seeing CB at school, too! The way they coo over him is hilarious. ;) ) He is happy to go to school each morning and will give me a detailed play by play of what happened at school. He likes his teachers and his classmates and enjoys all of the activities and learning that happens at school. He readily talks about how he prefers school over his former daycare and how school is so! much! fun!
However.
If you ask Choi Boy how he's doing at school, he will very candidly tell you, "I didn't listen today." or "I listened and obeyed just a little bit." And while part of me knows he's trying to be funny, another part of me is a little worried.
When I first told others about the preschool program CB is enrolled in, some of them quietly whispered, "Aren't you worried he'll pick up some of their behavior?" To which I calmly reminded, "Nope. I know the role of peer models are in place and have been for years because it works. And I think kids can all learn from each other, don't you?" And I left it at that. So, no, it's not that that I'm worried about.
Really, my greatest goal and hope for CB being in this preschool program is that he would learn to be kind and caring and respectful to anyone and everyone regardless of ability, while learning and enjoying school. I hope that he learns this and that it follows him throughout his schooling and throughout his life as a citizen of the world. Yes, it's a bit of a lofty goal, but I'm kind of an overachiever. ;)
When I hear CB talk about how he didn't listen at school (as much as he might be joking), it worries me that he is distracting other students or taking away the teachers' attention from others because he isn't listening and following the directions. It worries me that he may be being disrespectful or unkind when he chooses not to listen. CB's teachers reassure me that though he does sometimes need some redirection, overall, he is very sweet and fun and is a typical 3 year-old. But, I can't help but still worry!
Poor CB. Having a teacher as a momma can be hard. In an effort to not be overbearing or insist that my child is the best and the greatest, I tend to insist that the teachers be brutally honest with me and let me know where CB might need to improve. I probably come off as a crazy tiger mom! Aaaand...having written all this, I'm going to layoff a little bit and just enjoy the fact that CB is very much enjoying school.
Because really, that's a pretty darn important thing right now, too.
welcome to another edition of CBisms...aka, the funny and ridiculous things my child says that i don't want to forget. :)
indulge me a moment, will you?
choi boy, on self-reflection:
the other day, we were at the library for storytime and cb was being...not so pleasant. (in his defense, the storytime was dreadfully boring and the lady didn't even sing pete the cat correctly, let alone even reading the words properly.) later on, at the mall, cb looked up at me and we had the following conversation: cb: mommy? me: yes, baby? cb: i'm sorry. me: sorry about what? cb: i'm sorry about the library. me: oh? why are you sorry? cb: i was screaming and whining. i'm sorry. he might have earned an extra fruit snack afterwards...
cb, the junk food lover:
while we were at wegmans, the bin at the start of the register line was full of packages of cotton balls. cb excitedly squealed and exclaimed: "oooh, mommy! look at all those marshmallows!"
and while on one of our many visits to chick-fil-a, as soon as we got out of the car, cb said, "mommy, today, i want BROWN nuggets NOT white nuggets. okay? okay??" seems the boy already appreciates fried goodness over grilled chicken... cb, on colloquialisms:
while running in circles on a recent walk, i told cb to slow down and calm down a bit. to which he shouted, "oh! i need to chill down? okay! i'll chill down!"
on his doggy sister:
one of cb's chores is feeding piper. piper is eager to eat at any moment and once she hears her food container being opened, she runs over. cb, relishing the only authority he really has in this family, often lectures piper as he feeds her. this snippet is one my favorites: "piper, you have to be patient. i have to help you... you don't have arms, girl!"
and finally,
cb, on fashion:
it's no secret that i love boys in cardigans. so you can imagine that the hubs' wardrobe boasts a few. the other day, the hubs pulled out a cardigan he hadn't worn since last winter. cb looked the hubs up and down and the two of them had this conversation: cb: is that mommy's sweater? the hubs: no! it's mine! cb: why are you wearing mommy's sweater? did mommy let you borrow it? the hubs: it's not mommy's. it's daddy's sweater. cb: that's so nice that mommy let you borrow her sweater! the hubs: it's not -- forget it.
he promptly took the cardigan off. and then i made him put it back on so i could take this snap for this post:
you be the judge. i think he looks good. cb is three.
i tell ya. sometimes, watching my little boy grow before my eyes is no fun. time can be a jerk. but, watching him grow in language development and hearing him share his thoughts in these conversational gems are enough to turn my heart into mush.
Back in June, a high school commencement speech given at Wellesley High School by teacher David McCullough, Jr. (yes, son of that David McCullough, Sr.) went viral. Though he later said that his “ intention was a little hyperbolic drollness to get their attention,” educators and adults everywhere were applauding McCullough’s blunt parting words to the graduating class.
The central message of the speech was that regardless of what you have been told and led to believe, you are not special.
Here are some of my favorite excerpts:
Yes, you’ve been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble-wrapped. Yes, capable adults with other things to do have held you, kissed you, fed you, wiped your mouth, wiped your bottom, trained you, taught you, tutored you, coached you, listened to you, counseled you, encouraged you, consoled you and encouraged you again. You’ve been nudged, cajoled, wheedled and implored. You’ve been feted and fawned over and called sweetie pie. Yes, you have…
…But do not get the idea you’re anything special. Because you’re not.
and:
So think about this: even if you’re one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there are nearly 7,000 people just like you.
and:
You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless.
Can I confess to you that as I was reading this I was pumping my fist in the air and cheering? Because I totally was. My colleagues and I joked about slipping the transcript of the speech into our students’ report cards. Because I feel like this is a message that is so important, even to 5 and 6 year-olds, and more importantly, to their parents.
I just completed my tenth year of teaching. And in that decade, I’ve literally taught hundreds of students and interacted with hundreds of parents. That doesn’t make me an expert by any means, but it does give me a glimpse into the culture of parenting as it has shifted and changed even over the last ten years.
If I’m going to take a cue from David McCullough, Jr. and be blunt, I’ll say this: generally speaking, with every year, I’ve noticed that kids are becoming brattier and feeling more entitled (oh, the stories I could tell…) because parents, generally speaking, have come to coddle them more and more. And present company (I’m talking about me!) is definitely *not* excluded.
It’s almost as if the first of the “everybody gets a trophy” generation is now raising kids and the philosophy has changed to “yes, everybody gets a trophy, but my child gets the biggest trophy!” Of course, I’m exaggerating quite a bit and this is a gross generalization, but it’s been really interesting to see the reactions I have gotten from parents when approaching them about different subjects regarding their children.
When I was little, if I *ever* came home with a note from the teacher that suggested even a hint at not being perfectly well behaved, or heaven forbid, had a teacher ever called my parents at work, you can bet your bottom dollar I would have been in deeeeeep doodoo. And it was pretty much the same for all of my friends and their parents.
Nowadays, it’s almost as though any time a child is told he is less than perfect, his parents come rushing up ready to share any number of excuses to point fingers at anyone or anywhere else but back at their child. Again, I’m exaggerating, and I’m not saying that a teacher’s word (or anyone else’s, for that matter) regarding your child should be the end all be all. But it just seems that much more so than when we were kids, a child’s behavior or attitude is excused away or given into, no matter how bad it is. On top of that, it seems that children are also rewarded more than ever. Not only do we reward them for improving, or for effort, but we reward them just for showing up! Or for being nice! Or, even worse, we bribe them with rewards to do basic tasks! (Seriously, the stories I could share…) And, not to mention all of the goodness modern inventions and technology bring us in helping cater to our children’s interests, almost to the point of making everything! fun! all! the! time! for our little ones.
As I said, our little rodeo of a family is hardly excluded from this kind of parenting. I’d like to say we are able to take a more objective point of view, but the truth is, if an incident arises between Choi Boy and another child or if he does something less than desirable all on his own, I certainly make him apologize, but inwardly, I’m often rationalizing his actions or thinking of excuses as to why he did what he did. And though we try reeeeeally hard not to give extrinsic rewards and instead try to play up intrinsic rewards, if I’m totally honest, we’ve certainly fallen into our share of bribes here and there. (Not our proudest parenting moments. Nope.) And, gosh darn it, I love a good project or activity that I can center around CB!
At the end of the day, in so many ways, our children are the centers of our universe. They are, in addition to our SOs, the most precious and important people in our lives.
But I can’t help but think that making excuses for them or rewarding them for little things or making them feel as though they are the center of the universe is creating the culture of “special-ness” that McCullough warns against. In fact, one of my biggest worries in raising CB is that he will grow up thinking he is THE MAN (The grandparents are not helping play this down. For reals, yo.) and that he may be perceived by others as a brat.
We try really hard to balance the love and affection we shower CB with along with consistent discipline so he learns to be respectful and understand that he cannot and will not always get what he wants, and that the world will not make exceptions for him . We also want him to know that he will not always be the best and that it’s okay to fail as long as you learn from that failure. We want him to not always be looking out for number 1, but to be caring and kind and willing and wanting to serve others. But we also want him to be confident and have a healthy dose of self-esteem and live up to his potential, whatever it may be.
In short, we want CB to know and do exactly what McCullough encourages at the end of his speech:
Exercise free will and creative, independent thought not for the satisfactions they will bring you, but for the good they will do others, the rest of the 6.8 billion-and those who will follow them. And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special.
Because everyone is.
Ain’t that the truth? So, I guess my question is what does raising a child to do and understanding that truth look like in practicality? How does one raise a child to be selfless and compassionate while also helping him feel loved and, well, special? How do you balance developing a healthy self-esteem without over inflating your child and giving him a sense of entitlement?
How do you help your child understand that he is not special, when in your eyes, in so many ways, he really is?
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