Sunday, November 21, 2010

tired of...

waiting.

of being anxious.

tired of staring at my phone, willing it to ring.

tired of being totally scatter-brained, not being able to concentrate on anything.

of being asked questions to which i don't know the answers.

of missing my son.

tired of looking at the calendar and guessing.

tired of wanting it to be my turn.

of crying tears for a little one i have not yet met.

.
.
.

i'm not going to lie. last week was really hard. many tears were shed. many frustrations were voiced. i told the hubs i've reached my breaking point in this wait. i truly thought we would have heard something by now and that we would have had a more definite idea of when choi boy would be home.

i am trying so hard to trust and wait on God's timing, but the nine-month mark of waiting is coming up next week, making the grand total 16 months of waiting from the start of our process, and it's getting harder and harder.

today is monday in seoul. it is also the start of the sixth week since our EP submission, and we were told it would probably be 4-6 weeks from submission to approval. i am hoping and praying that our paperwork will be out of the ministry today or tomorrow. i am hoping and praying that we will hear something very very very soon.

until then, we'll just have to continue to wait, as hard as it is.

even piper looks like she's waiting for her brother...
Photobucket

choi boy, we miss you, baby...hope to have you in our arms so, so soon.

38 comments:

  1. Waiting does suck. I feel like I spend more time waiting than doing anything else. Sending you some good vibes. I am praying you get some news by Thanksgiving.

    Hang in there.

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  2. You can get through this Mama! I know you must be sick to death of it, but you are so near the end. Sending all my best and hoping for news!

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  3. I hope the same will be true for you as it was for us in August - I too had completely gone off the deep end and didn't think I could physically or emotionally handle the wait anymore and then, that week the travel call came (almost 9 months to the day)! I won't tell you hang in there because I know that probably isn't possible at this point so I will continue to pray for you and your family. Here's hoping for good news by Turkey Day!

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  4. "of being asked questions to which i don't know the answers."
    that one was the hardest for me. Here's hoping for lots to be thankful for this week.

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  5. The last wait is the hardest. Hoping this week brings wonderful news your way.

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  6. Grace, I am so sorry. I hopethis excruciating wait is over soon.

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  7. Grace,

    ugh. I remember it and it truly does suck. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but know the memories (nightmares?)of the wait will fade (although not completely go away, at least not for me) when that beautiful boy is home in your arms.

    Thinking of you!

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  8. I could have written the first part of this post, especially "tired of wanting it to be my turn." I know how you feel, Grace. I'm sorry this wait seems to be neverending. I know you are sick and tired of it, but don't give in to discouragment now. You are so close to holding sweet Choi boy in your arms. I'm praying you will hear something this week and that your heart will be filled with peace until that call comes!

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  9. Oh Grace I know this wait is killer. You are a mom who is thousands of miles away from her baby and that is just heartbreaking. Praying choi boy comes home soooon!

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  10. I so remember feeling exactly this way. It took our paperwork 5 weeks to come out of the ministry. I always wondered if we were really ever going to get to bring our child home. It is so frustrating having it be out of our hands and being at the mercy of countless workers at various agencies and governments. I hope that Choi Boy's EP is approved this week and he is home soon. Hang in there, he's coming :)

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  11. Hoping that you get the good news that you deserve this week! I remember the breaking point that you are talking about . . . I actually kind of stopped living in the present, so I get it!

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  12. Me too, Grace. Everything that you said!

    Hugs!

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  13. The waiting TOTALLY does suck. You have a right to be fed up...and tired of this wait. I remember reaching my breaking point too. You WILL get there...but that doesn't make it any easier right now. HUGS to you!

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  14. I wish I could make it better... or at least give you a much deserved hug! I have my fingers and toes crossed for you that you hear something PRONTO!

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  15. I'm praying you hear something tout de suite! Waiting sucks.

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  16. :( i am so sorry. i can't believe it's already been 6 weeks. i'm praying so hard that your travel call comes this week!

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  17. Grace, I was getting ready to post something on your F.book page but hopped on over here first......I had a dream about you and your baby boy last night!!! I swear! I don't remember much of it, but woke this morning and remembered that I dreamt of you and had a little flash of it. I think in the dream I was looking at your blog and there were photos of you in Korea holding your son! I must have looked at the blog days later, because I remember thinking, "how did I miss this?!!!!!" You were on my mind alot today so I'm taking this as a sign that it's going to be very very soon! Hang in there!!! xoxo

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  18. was thinking of you a lot today. i always had a feeling that he'll be home (or the news of him coming home) right at the 9 month mark. hoping & praying for a phone call SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  19. what a gorgeous pic of piper! waiting is not cool. ugh. i'm sorry for how long you guys are waiting...

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  20. Piper brother is coming! I DO NOT LIKE the questions, I know people mean well, but I was so snippy with people. I got to the point where I could not answer the phone. There is nothing I can say to make it any better. I pray your phone rings this week!!!!

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  21. Oh, Grace, I remember reaching my breaking point too. I felt like I had been pretty patient and mature about the whole wait and then suddenly - boom! - I was so done waiting and was just fed up. Then you know what happened? Right when I reached that point, we got VI and TC pretty quickly all of a sudden. It will happen. Soon. I promise and you will forget the pain and be so full of joy and excitement (and unbelievably crazy nerves)!!! I'm so looking forward to your journey to Choi Boy!

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  22. You've handled the wait so well...but it's been long. We all have our breaking points. I really hope it's a super great thanksgiving for you.

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  23. I remember that point waiting for Asher to come home. I laid in bed one whole day just so depressed. I wanted my baby home. That night I had a dream that "joy would come in the morning"
    Guess what, it did...

    I hope you get news very soon. maybe you already have. Praying for you.

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  24. I think I'd be going absolutely crazy staring at that 6-week mark. I hope you get news this week!

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  25. Oh girl... you're in the home stretch! And that truly is the hardest part along this journey. That call WILL come soon, you WILL hold your boy, and all these hard times will be shoved to the back of your mind as you frantically prepare for the trip that will change your life.
    Hang in there, eat lots of sugar, and know that we all love and support you!

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  26. bah, I'm so sorry you are still going through this! I want him to come home too. I am sending all the positive energy I can muster up your way. LOVE YOU!

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  27. I'm with Piper and you tired of it! Come on Choi Boy!

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  28. This has got to be such a hard time right now. I am praying for some great news this week! Hang in there, Grace. :)

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  29. It is SO hard to wait without any real timeline. You have handled it so well. Praying for some good news for you very soon.

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  30. If I wasn't at work I'd be crying for you too. Your wait is almost over... just remember that. HUGS HUGS HUGS!!

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  31. dear friend, i'm so sorry you have to wait sooo long..i really do hope this is your week!!

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  32. I am so sorry Grace:-( This is the HARDEST part of the wait! I remember hating when people kept asking "questions to which i don't know the answers". I hope you hear some news this week and I will keep your family in my prayers.

    (((HUGS)))

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  33. Big hugs! Praying for good news by Thanksgiving!

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  34. The wait is so hard, everyone has moments (or days or weeks) when it is just too much. Even when it feels like it will never happen, even when it feels like you are at a standstill, remember every day does bring you one day closer to the day you meet your son - even though you don't know when that day will be yet.

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  35. I know at this point words are all that we can give you, but I pray that you get some news about Choi boy soon and you have something else to be thankful for by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. I can only imagine how excruciating this wait is right now. Praying for you!

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  36. i just don't know what to say, other than thinking of you and sending hugs. you have handled the wait so well and you're about to be rewarded - i hope you hear something this week!

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  37. Oh, Grace, I've been thinking of you so often and praying! You're certainly handled this looong wait with grace...now it's time for your boy to be home. It WILL be soon. Hugs!

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  38. hi grace! just wanted to say that i think of you often...and pray for you guys!

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why, hello there! do you have something to say? 'cause i'd so love to hear it!