Friday, September 10, 2010

the ugly.

yesterday's post covered the happy and sad or, the good and the bad, of us missing choi boy's birthday. today i want to share the unexpected ugly that came along on this day.

i spent the morning reveling in birthday goodness, in a really good place, and at peace with the whole situation. i loved reading the birthday wishes all of you left for choi boy as well as the lovely comments on facebook or via email. i was doing really well.

and then.

we got an email from our program assistant at the agency. i secretly thought it was going to be another happy birthday note, thinking, "oh, how sweet that they realized it was choi boy's birthday today!"

but, no.

instead, this email told us that it was time for us to update our homestudy because it would no longer be valid as is come the end of october.

i was beside myself.

i knew, somewhere in the back of my mind stored with all the other gazillion things the agency tells you, that home studies are only valid for one year and would need to be updated every year thereafter until placement. but i didn't realize that our need for this would creep up on us so soon and so stealthily.

i needed to hold it together because i had to pick up another student, but as i quickly glanced over the email and saw that we needed to update 10 different forms; 2 of which are clearances, 1 that requires physicals for each of us and another which requires us obtaining records, and then quickly calculated that all of these different fees plus the fee for the home study update would bring us to somewhere over $300, it was all i could do not to burst into tears.

i was so sad. and so angry! had choi boy come home when we initially thought he would, or even if he came home in october, this wouldn't be an issue for us! i felt like this email was just taunting me and shoving in my face the fact that choi boy is not yet home and won't be home for still longer.

yuck. yuck. YUCK.


i know full well that plenty of waiting families have to update their home studies and that in many programs this is absolutely the norm.

but it just felt like were *so* close...and then we get news like this that remind us that we're not.

so, crazy form-filling time, here we come. AGAIN.

and, i want let all of you know that i did have a good cry later in the day. and it was your sweet, sweet comments and emails that really warmed my heart and reminded me that as ugly as this is, we are surrounded by people near and far that love and care for not only us, but for our sweet boy, as well.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you. xoxo.


  1. Oh, Grace. That's definitely ugly news to hear. Ugh! What a pain! And you ARE close to Choi Boy coming home--even if it doesn't seem like it now. Just think how much closer you are now than a couple months ago! Remember, God's timing is always perfect. :) Even though I know you know that, the waiting is still so hard. :(

    I'm so glad that all the comments helped to cheer you up. The bloggy world is full of wonderful people! Thinking of you!!

  2. Grace! What AWFUL timing!!! I'm so very very sad for you. But it's always darkest before the dawn. So things can only go up from here, right?
    Hang in there, mama. I hope your sweet boy is home soon!

  3. Happy birthday to Choi boy! I'm so sorry about the wait. I know the ache of being so close, but so far away to holding your little one. These verses brought me unimaginable encouragement and joy:
    Isaiah 54:10 "'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."
    Isaiah 64:4 "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him."
    Isaiah 40:30-31 "Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strenth. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
    2 Corinthians 4:17-18 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
    Isaiah 26:8 "Yes, Lord, walking in the ways of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desires of our hearts."

    I kept these (and a few others) on notecards beside my bed and read them whenever I felt discouraged.

  4. Ugh, Grace, I'm so sorry. You are right, it just sucks. To be this close to the finish line--to see it--and not be able to cross it (YET) is so tough. I know things feel like they are moving in slow motion, but you WILL get there. Maybe not in the time you wish, but you WILL get there.

    Hang in there.

  5. oh dear, grace. that is ugly. i'm so sorry that you had to get such ugly news on such a beautiful day. praying that cb comes home soooooon.

  6. Oh no!!! That's the worst..I'm so sorry it had to happen right after such a good day!! Boo! We had to renew ours too, back in July. In my was so not worth it. The things that we had to do were, employer's notes stating certain things about our employment and have a signed Dr's note saying we were "still" healthy after a year. Our social worker came to our house asked us how old everyone in our family year older..and that's all. We had to give her a check for some $300.00 plus mileage. It stinks! I'm sorry!! I'd totally let you borrow some sparkly suspenders..if i had some! ;) Hope you have a better day and a great weekend!

  7. Oh MAN!!! Talk about crappy timing to get that email. I'm so sorry she rained on your birthday parade. Doing more paperwork and writing more checks is not exactly what you had hoped for, I know, but I'm really going to hope that your $300 goes to waste and that after you renew your home study you will be surprised to learn that Choi Boy ends up coming home BEFORE it actually expires ... fingers crossed!

  8. We also had to update everything too - it is ugly and not fun! I am sorry that you are having to do this:-( Hopefully the next email that you receive from your agency will be good news!

  9. Ah, that just plain SUCKS. So sorry you are having to do this/go through this. Praying it will all get done really quickly. Happy birthday to your sweet little guy, I didn't get a chance to write a comment yesterday!

  10. sorry to hear that Grace. How frustrating. I agree with kelly...hoping that Choi Boy gets his ok to come home before the home study expires! Praying for you guys!

  11. I'm so sorry that you got such icky news on what should have been a day solely to celebrate your little one's birthday. Talk about crappy timing. :(
    And I second what Kelly said and hope too that Choi Boy comes home before the dang thing even expires!

  12. I'm so sorry... Praying you get the call VERY soon!

  13. Oh! OH! You're right, that is *very* ugly news!!! Horrible timing.

    But you are oh-so-close, and I agree with the others... here's hoping that your money is basically flushed away because you get *the* call prior to your current homestudy expiring. But in the meantime... BOOOOOOO!!!!

    I'll take a little video of S in his "Mr. Rogers" sweater and send it your way to give you a little smile. OK?!

  14. Oh Grace - big hugs!!! Hoping he's home soon and the update is as hassle free as possible!

  15. well that's crummy news on any day, and even crummier on your son's birthday :(. hang in there. like everyone else, i'm hoping he will be home before it expires.

  16. Ugh. So sorry to hear that the wait is continuing. Unfortunately, we somewhat know what that wait is like. Unbelievably difficult. Nothing anyone can say will make it more bearable, but please know, when you hold Choi boy in your arms, it disappears (okay, almost...).

    Hang in there and I am thinking of you guys!

    PS...Happy 1st Birthday, Choi boy!

  17. Oh no! We're hoping it won't be too difficult a process to gather all the paperwork. We're praying for you and hoping you can have Carson in your arms soon!

  18. YUCK! The crazy forms will keep you BUSY but the money...just YUCK!

  19. What a day to get that new huh? I remember how bummed I was on Matthews birthday. Then I remember feeling so close for so long it seemed it was never going to end. Hang in there Mama. A good cry is needed at times!

  20. What terrible timing. It seems so unfair that you almost have to start from the beginning again. We are definitely covering you guys in prayer!

  21. OH NO. i'm sorry grace. i'm sorry this is dragging on and feels like it is 'reversing' in a way too...

    here's a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to choi boy from me. i was gonna comment on your last post about his first bday but was at work and trying not to cry reading it haha. also wanted to say i thought your notes and gifts to him were great ideas!

    still... what a stinker about this sucky news. not cool at all...

  22. Ugh...this breaks my heart...for you and for any/all waiting families. The It is always about timing, isn't it?! I'm soooo sorry. HUGS to you.

  23. I'm so sorry, Grace. This news couldn't have come on a worse day. This wait WILL end and will completely fade away when you hold that sweet boy in your arms. And one day, you can tell him how much you love him and how much you did to bring him home and how it was totally and completely worth it! Hang in there, girl!

  24. I'm sorry you have to tolerate more administrative crap on top of a wait that is NEEDLESSLY TAKING TOO LONG! Hang in there and do what you need to do (chocolate, crying, wine, etc) to get through this tough time. I will be thinking of you.

  25. Ugh! Talk about bad timing!! I'm sure your heart sunk when you read that email.
    I hope you get good news soon.

  26. I can imagine how hearing this news on Choi boy's birthday must feel rubbing salt in a wound.


  27. this is so hard. i a different way, but i do. so sorry. praying your paperwork speedy, the finances not a burden and your boy HOME soon!

  28. Oh my goodness. I am sorry I did not read this when you posted, but I understand how you are feeling. The wait stinks and then to have this said on a day that is so special... a birthday... is just like a knife in the heart. I am sorry you had to feel that. Adoption is so painful. BUt, when you hold that CHoi Boy!!! wow.. it is SO SO worth it ALL!

  29. Hey Grace. This totally sucks. I can understand all the frustration of having to update the homestudy again. It's not only a lot of work, but also a reminder just how long this process is. So sorry for you both, but hang in there. Big hugs...


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