*the* incident.

so, here's how it went down with the waitress at the korean restaurant:

christy, sandra, and i were enjoying our dinner and conversation when one of the waitresses walked by, trying to catch my eye and attention. peter and i eat at this restaurant on a semi-frequent basis, and peter comes often with other members of the church staff, so a good number of the waitresses are familiar with us.

i politely bowed my head with an "anyoung ha sae yo" and she said hello back and said in korean,

"oh, you gained a lot of weight! are you pregnant?"

i'm pretty sure i turned a nice shade of red and i quickly responded, "no."

and her response? "so, how many months along are you?"

by this time, not only was i red in the face, but i was totally seeing red. lay off, lady! i looked at her, said, "i'm NOT pregant." and quickly turned away from her and back to the comfort of my food and friends.

i was so angry, but had to hold it together because a) i was in public and b) i was in the company of lovely ladies that know me, but don't *know* me quite yet and i didn't want them to think i had anger management issues. ;)

comments like this have been a source of vivid pain, and to be on the receiving end of a double whammy was rough.

okay, so yes, i've gained some weight in the past year. i attribute it to three things: 1. my slowing metabolism (hello, 30!) 2. the anxiety and distress of waiting in this adoption process and 3. dc's snowmageddon 2009/2010.

sure, i should really make a better effort to shed some of this extra padding. but, still, HOW RUDE.

and people, it's 2010, don't ask someone if they're pregnant unless they're going into labor. in front of you. seriously.

now before we get all cujo on this lady, let me explain something to you. korean people are rude. especially when it comes to issues like weight.

wait, wait, hear me out.

and understand that i say that in the way that i can make fun of my family, but you can't. the same way you can make fun of your family, but i can't.

and understand that i'm saying this based on my upbringing here in the US as a korean american. i've only been to korea once (when i was 9) and my parents have been here for 40 years. so really, i guess i'm saying that koreans i've met are rude. and not all koreans, mostly first generation older koreans. and again, this is what i'm saying based on my experience.

and the thing is, they don't think they're being rude.

i think there are two very distinct reasons why they act this way.

the first is because in relatively recent history, korea was a war-torn country. food was sparse and people were very skinny and often malnourished. so, when someone commented on your weight gain, it was, in a sense, a way of them recognizing that you were doing well. granted we are far from this now, but i think some of the older generation has this mentality still ingrained in their minds and for some, always will.

the second reason is that koreans have a lot of national pride, and with this comes the feeling that all koreans are connected. in other words, they are all fellow countrymen, and even family. so, much like your family might criticize you for something, it's not unusual for one (older) korean person to say to another: "wow, you gained some weight!" or "man, your skin looks bad!" and other gems of the like.

case in point? a few weeks ago, my mom and dad had a housewarming party and several of my mom's friends saw a picture of my parents on a date when they were in college (my dad has it displayed in his office -- isn't that sweet??). after seeing the picture, each of my mom's friends came over (on SEPARATE occasions) and said variations of the following: "gosh, you looked so great when you were skinny! you should try to lose 10 pounds. you'd look so much better."

nice, right?

so, while i was definitely fuming and hurt, i had to take the waitress' comments with a grain of salt. and while the hurt was very real, i know that her intentions were not cruel. but, i'll say it again,

HOW RUDE!


oh, and p.s. bingsoo or bingsu is a yummy concoction of shaved ice, ice cream, flavored syrup and different toppings. there are different types of bingsoo and the traditional kind is served with sweet red bean paste, fruit, and mini pieces of rice cake (mochi). i like strawberry bingsoo -- shaved ice, strawberry ice cream, strawberry syrup, strawberries and mochi pieces. yum-o!