Thursday, March 24, 2011

we survived.

seriously, thank you so much for all the encouragement and prayers and words of wisdom throughout our transition this week.

i'm not going to lie. it was HARD.

it *is* H-A-R-D hard.

having to remove choi boy's tightly gripped arms from around my neck and handing him off to our childcare provider is not easy. having choi boy's cries be the last sound i hear before i leave for work is not easy. to hear that choi boy often sits by himself clutching mini and looking at his pictures of us* is not easy.

yesterday, i managed to hold it together during the 4 minute drive to work and as i walked in to my school. but the minute i saw my friends and they welcomed me back and asked how i was, i lost it. we're talking waterworks, people. and every time someone else asked how i was, a few more tears managed to pop out.

but. thinking about all your sweet comments and the fact that many of you had been through similar experiences and survived helped me get through my 4 hours at work. no, really. i kept telling myself that this was normal and that we could get through it, just like my friends had. it was my mantra.

and that pick up? oh, that pick up was so sweet...and though cb napped for a total of 15 minutes yesterday, our afternoon was still so sweet and special.

this morning was just as hard, but i managed to keep it together throughout the morning and i even truly enjoyed being at work and working with my kiddos. cb had a better day, too. our childcare provider said he slowly started playing with the other kids yesterday and today, he even brought over things to show her and interacted well with her, instead of crying when she looked directly at him as he had on other days. (SO sad!)

the afternoons at home have been fairly normal, although cb has been a tad clingy, which was expected. but other than that, he's the regular ol' cb once we're home -- goofy, silly, playful and fun. he's also woken up with some nightmares the past few nights and i think he's processing this change as he sleeps. it's so hard to hear him cry and wake himself up, but he's been going back to sleep after some snuggles and then waking up as his happy, usual self.

i think the transition will continue to take some time, but it seems as though we're headed in the right direction for now. of course, we'll see what tuesdays are like for cb after weekends and mondays at home with daddy, but i'm going to remain positive and say that things will get better, right? right??

right!

today was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.

my little guy even fell asleep in the car (clutching mini, his BFF and transitional buddy) and transferred right into his crib when we got home:
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i'm pretty sure he was exhausted from working so hard on this special project:
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;) i'm going to treasure it forever.

*(thank you for that suggestion, by the way! i didn't have time to make the picture book, but i sent him with the picture album we sent to korea in one of our care packages. God bless cb's foster mom for returning it to us -- it is familiar to him and he loves looking at it at home, so it was a good item to help with the transition. thanks!)

22 comments:

  1. Oh, Grace! That does sound really tough. But, I'm so glad that today was better than yesterday. It WILL get better! You'll all adjust to this new schedule. I love the photo of CB sleeping. He looks so sweet!

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  2. I remember this - the transition for all of you. And I was only home 8 weeks, so I kept wondering if it was too soon, etc., etc.

    But I can add my words of encouragement that it does get better - for all of you. You are doing so many things to help ease this transition and that really does help. It does. One day at a time. So glad that today was better.

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  3. It will continue to get better! I know it will! Good job, mama!

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  4. Sorry for my email - this post didn't show up in my reader until right now. I could have just read this instead of harassing you!
    Oh, my heart breaks for you all! But like Yvonne said, it has to get better. New transitions are *always* hard. Just think about the one of CB joining the two of you... that definitely took some adjustment on his part, and this will too. But this change is SO much less wholly disruptive than the big one from Korea!
    You're doing a great job to make things go smoothly for everyone.
    Hang in there. And hey - tomorrow's Friday!

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  5. I so know what you're going through, and I'm here to tell you that it does get better! I promise! Maybe not tomorrow, and probably not next week, but just like everything else, CB (and Mama) will adjust to their new routine with time.

    We went through many different stages of transition after I went back to work, but we're in our 8th week and things are great! They really do learn that you are ALWAYS coming back to be with them, and once they're confident in that, they're waving 'bye-bye' to you as you walk out the door. Actually, Maddyx still cries (actually whines) when I leave and clutches on to my leg, but we've learned that giving him a little snack (food driven kiddos!) if/when he gets upset does the trick! It distracts him just long enough for me to get out the door and for him to not be upset. Works every time!

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  6. Good job, momma! I'm so proud of you both! :) It really only gets better and easier. He's such a social and happy kid that, soon, he'll be excited to go to school that he'll be running out of your arms (and that might make you sadder...hahaha).

    And lookie here, the weekend's already back!!! :D

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  7. Oh, you did it!!! I knew you could!!! And it does get better. It really does. You may have some ups and downs, but you'll get there! And the funny thing is, you forget how bad the first few days/weeks are. (Well, you remember, but your belly doesn't hurt anymore and your chest doesn't constrict.)

    And, I bet that in a month or so, you're loving your new normal. :-)

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  8. You're in my thoughts and prayers! So glad it's getting better day by day. Big hugs!!!!

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  9. so hard so hard! hope things continue to go ok. have a good and restful weekend!

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  10. Yay! So happy to hear this. You are smart to look at overall trends of improvement over time to really get a picture of how things are going. And this might sound counterintuitive but I think CB being upset is a GOOD SIGN that he's attaching to you - I mean, would't you be a little worried if you dropped him off and he was totally cool with being cared for by new people? How awesome that you have 4 hour days (how long does that go on?). And that you are established in your job and have a support system built in - can you even imagine starting out a career at this point? Thanks for the update, I'm happy to hear that it went as well as can be expected. ps - love the caterpillar!

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  11. Oh...I just read this now..I'm glad things are turning the corner and I echo your heartache in this. I contemplated quitting work and staying home when I started preparing to go back to work after 3 months home with J. That walk out the door when they are crying for you is the worst! Enjoy your weekend and know that it WILL get better!

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  12. Yes, the hugs and squeals at pick up time are the best! Keep looking forward..

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  13. Ooooh, what an awesome art project (and I'm totally stealing the idea to make with D!). Sounds like you are on your way. You are thinking of this in just the right way. It WILL get easier. You are right!

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  14. It's great to hear that you and cb are adjusting to the transition. I totally empathize with your breakdown of tears on the first day. I remember feeling like that, too. It's still hard to leave the boys some mornings when they decide to be super clingy to me before I leave. I know they are always fine with Grandma, but it's hard not to let the guilt get to you. How awesome that you are just working mornings! I wish I could do that with my job. All the best for Tuesday. It will be so easy for you to go to work on Monday, knowing Daddy is home with cb.

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  15. I was thinking of you this week! So glad you got through...

    I agree...it seems like things gradually got easier, but there were {and still are} bumps along the way. I am learning that is how parenthood just is, huh?

    Anyway, you will remain in my thoughts this week...hang in there, friend!

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  16. I'm also happy to hear that it went well for you. The transition back to work sucks no matter how you put it, but in a way, I think that the anticipation and anxiety leading up to me going back to work was worse than actually being back at work. You adjust, CB will adjust, and you'll find a new normal. That's not to say that I wouldn't be a stay-at-home mom if the situation allowed. But thankfully, like you, I love my job and am grateful to have it. Hope this next week goes well too.

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  17. I can only imagine how terribly hard this was for you. And as the others have said, I am sure each day will get a little better than the day before. hang in there, mama! xoxo

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  18. oh grace, i can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been to leave cb. i'm so glad you have good friends and support at work to help you get through it. and like ccl said, you did it! sending prayers for you today! and i have to say, that little egg carton caterpillar is adorable.

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  19. Glad things are getting better! Hugs!

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  20. Things will continue to get better! Pretty soon, he'll realize his daycare time is time to see friends and play and he'll forget all about your leaving!

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  21. I'm glad you are all surviving! I'm totally stealing your mantra "today was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today." It's perfect for this situation! I (once again) like what Sarah B said about attachment. Thank goodness he's sad you're leaving, right? And the fact that you come back to get him after only a 4 hour work day is just great. I am starting out with short work days too (6 hours) for the first couple of weeks because day care days can be loooooong for our kids. Luckily I'm only working 3 days per week too. Oh, I'm just so glad things are getting better .... BUT I know it's still incredibly hard to leave CB and will be for a while, I'm sure. Hugs my friend.

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  22. Sorry for the late response. I'm so behind on my reading! But happy to hear that cb is being such a trooper and things are getting better at his new *job*. Parting must be difficult for you both but the reuniting part sounds so sweet!

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