Sunday, March 13, 2011


there are several household chores that i am neglecting right now, but i *need* to get these thoughts down before i forget them and need to be reminded of them yet again...

yesterday, my friend and i went to get massages. it was kind of a new mommy treat and a pick-me-up before i head back to work next week. i had been looking forward to it for weeks. a massage in and of itself is a rare treat for me, so that, coupled with the fact that it would be the first true alone time i had since choi boy came home made it extra special.

but, the whole time i was driving there and the throughout the entire hour of the massage, i couldn't fully relax. i missed my little guy. lots and lots.

but, really, i couldn't relax and slow down because images and words and statistics from the devastation in japan kept racing through my mind.

it is heartbreaking to see yet another natural disaster wreak havoc upon a nation. and it is gut-wrenching to hear about all those who were lost.

and as i lay there on the massage table, i felt so guilty and so selfish. because here i was being pampered, while the other side of the world was just consumed in tragedy.

now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with pampering yourself. it was just that this "treat" was kind of a culminating smack in the face for me. a wake-up call of sorts.

because you know what?

my life is so good.

and yet, i often fail to see that and i complain so much.

if it isn't one thing, it's another.

when we were waiting for choi boy to come home, my heart ached for him to come home and i felt like everyday was a complaint. now that he's home, i am so utterly grateful to have him in my arms. but you better believe there is complaining when naps are short or tantrums are happening.

and not only do i complain, i worry and stress and fret about things that i should be grateful to even have in my possesion or grasp. i worry and complain about our home and cars. i worry about our possible next adoption. i get stressed about whether we should switch agencies. i worry about whether we should specify the gender for our next adoption.

i worry ALL. the. time. about choi boy. is he transitioning well? is he developmentally where he needs to be? why didn't he get any taller since his last appointment? is he going to FREAK out when i go back to work? does he love us? does he feel safe with us?

do you see? it's like i have so many things i'm complaining about or worrying about that there's hardly any room for anything else.

and that's why i needed this proverbial slap in the face.

because i felt the Lord tugging on my heart strings and telling me to stop. to remember. to love. and to be grateful.

because although i don't know why things like earthquakes happen, they do. and at any moment, an earthquake, be it natural or a personal earthquake of sorts, could rock my world.

and if it does, i don't want to have been complaining when it hits. i want to be loving. and remembering. and being grateful.

and if it does, i don't want to stand in the aftermath complaining. i want to love. and remember. and be grateful.


on the way to church today, i was listening to the radio and the guy reminded the listeners and that "joy doesn't happen to you. joy is found in a Person."

i want to choose to find that joy daily. and not let all those complaints and worries and stresses rob me of that joy. and i don't want to find my joy in my circumstances...i want to find my joy in Jesus and in all that He has blessed me with.

and when i got to church, as if to seal the deal (hello, grace? it's God. pay attention!!), a sister shared in her testimony the following verse. which was another reminder that i want and NEED to find that joy regardless of what i have. or don't have.

"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights."

-habakkuk 3:17-19


so, friends, if you've gotten through this rambly post and want to help me out, remind me of this. because obviously, i need reminding, seeing as how i'd already tried to remember on my own again and again. if you hear me complain, gently (or not so gently ;), it's up to you) remind me to find and renew that joy and gratitude.

because really, i have so much to be grateful for.
and now this is going to sound stupid and shallow, but i know you're diggin' my robin sparkles outfit.
like, totally.
oh, and the hubs should really be in this picture, but he's still getting over the yuckiness, though he is much better and i am grateful that he is on the mend.


  1. quite teary-eyed skimming through this entry :*) I know exactly, exactly, exactly how you feel regarding the mommy guilt, as well as wanting to punch yourself in the face for complaining and stressing when, in actuality, life is so amazing and you are just surrounded by a million amazing blessings that you just don't deserve and you definitely don't appreciate as much as you should. Sigh. definitely one of my biggest challenges as a mom..

    and OH MY, rj has the SAME gap hoodie!!! twins!!!

  2. Robin Sparkles--love it! You wore it better!
    I think we all need to be reminded of this....over and over. Perspective is always good.

  3. well said. and something that I also recently went through - I'm living my dream, so why aren't I waking up joyful and happy each morning? Because it is so easy to get caught up in those little things and forget the big picture. Perspective is good. And we need it again, and again, and again.

    (and ps - good luck going back to work! I found it was stressful to think about but it helped to just do it. Hope it goes well for all of you...)

  4. It's so, so easy to forget that we have it pretty good. Thank you for the reminder!
    I can't BELIEVE you're headed back to work already! That was so fast! Best of luck.

  5. I struggle with this all the time. And then I get mad at myself for getting mad or frustrated. But then I have a day like you did at I take a deep breath and get back to feeling blessed and grateful.
    I LOVE the bench pic, Robin Sparkles (ha!) outfit and all.

  6. Grace,

    I so needed this reminder today as well. I think it is human to complain and start to take things for granted. That's why we have to rely on friends and family for those reality checks once in a while. So, for that, my friend...thank you!

  7. Thank you for sharing! It is so hard to remember how much we have and are blessed with and so easy to take things for granted...thank you for your gentle reminder for all of us to keep things in perspective and remember Who is the source of our true joy!

  8. got goosebumps as I read this. God lead me to the same verses this morning... the exact same and spoke such peace into my heart about our adoption situation, jobs and life in general. I love when he gently or not so gently reminds me that this life is bigger than me and it's about him! Thank you for sharing...

  9. Nice outfit, Grace Sparkles.

    It's funny, you never really struck me as a person who complains a lot. I know I complain all.the.time and worry and obsess about the most miniscule things. I know in my head that I am one of the luckiest people alive, but it is just so easy to find things in my life that aren't perfect. And like JoJo, then I get mad at myself for being unhappy.

    Thanks for the reminder that we have so much to be thankful for. Like the laugh we got out of the Robin Sparkles picture ;-)

  10. Just what I needed to hear. Thanks for sharing. Though, I agree with Sandra, I don't think of you as someone who complains a lot. I know lately I'm prone to it. I need to be grateful! Thank you.

  11. Good reminders for ALL of us. So easy to get caught up in stuff that, in the end, doesn't matter. What brings me back to my what is most to see my son and my husband playing, laughing, hugging...and then pulling me in to share in the Joy. Gets me straightened out every time. I think half the battle is recognizing when we get "like this" and pulling ourself out...and reminding ourselves how wonderful our lives are...and to live in the moment. So important.

  12. A really really lovely post with a great reminder for us all. Well said, Grace.

  13. I have followed your journey since long before Chois boy came home as our daughter has also been through the same process and came home in February with our precious granddaughter. (She, too, is a kindergarten teacher!) What you have said in this post, I will use in my Sunday School class and carry in my heart. I, too, have been so saddened by Japan's travesty, but I know God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your son is beautiful and is one lucky lad to have you both.I love your sense of humor and your fashion comments, especially your use of the word, "natch." Blessings to you in the days ahead. Cynthia

  14. Amazing post.
    Isn't it good how God reminds us to be grateful?

  15. love the habakkuk passage. i know what you mean. i feel stink that i seem to keep wanting 'more'. first it was conception, then it is a healthy pregnancy, and baby, then it will be wanting a smooth delivery... then i'm already wondering about whether we can have another child so this baby can have a sibling... i know this is normal but i do feel like it is hard to be satisfied. don't be too hard on yourself too though. i can totally see your gratefulness and thankfulness in appreciating how God's provided choiboy and this gift of parenthood, through the way you communicate about him and how things are going. love s

  16. I too can totally relate to this. I constantly have to remind myself to suck it up and stop whining and remember how lucky i am and how amazing my life is. it's so easy to get caught up in the woe is me....and I feel sooo guilty when i allow myself to do that.

  17. Wow, this is *exactly* what I needed. Especially at this moment. I'm a born worrier... and sometimes I go through periods where I just need to "get over it already" but this, well this has been a tough couple of weeks. Thanks for the wake-up call. :-)

  18. Thank you for the reminder, too, Grace. Sometimes it can be so easy to get hung up in our daily complaints and forget how blessed we really are. I hope your last week home with CB is going well and that you are enjoying every minute!

  19. Grace, you said it SO WELL. I often get worked up into a frenzy over silly stuff and lose perspective and I really needed this reminder to step back and see what really matters and to remind myself that everything in my life is SO GOOD. It's almost embarrassing how good, which makes me cringe at the stuff I complain about. Oy. Thank you, thank you for this reminder. What's happened in Japan certainly puts everything into perspective.

    PS - Back to work soon? Me too ... Yikes.

  20. so true. thank you for sharing your thoughts. being reminded of what we have is always good.

    love that photo of you and cb!


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