a letter.

dear choi boy,

we are quickly approaching the lasts of our annual firsts. we just celebrated our first thanksgiving together and in just two weeks, we will celebrate our first family day. and just a few days after that, we will celebrate our *second* christmas together. it's amazing how quickly these last 11 and a half months have flown by!

today is the last day of november. it is a month that is filled with intentional gratitude, and it also happens to be national adoption month. bearing those two things in mind, i would be remiss not to write something that addresses the immense gratitude that we have surrounding the story of how we came to be a family.

the other day, i was walking piper and reflecting on our thanksgiving. tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face as i thought about how incredibly blessed we are to have you in our lives. you have brought us, all of us, SO much joy. daily. and then i laughed because i am sure anyone that walked by me thought i was nutty, but then again, laughter is another gift you've brought us. :)

adoption is not perfect. in fact, in a perfect world, adoption would not exist. in a perfect world, there would be no sorrow, there would be no pain. there would be no infertility and there would be no circumstances that would cause birthparents to choose adoption. but the fact is, all those things *do* exist. and in all its brokenness, and in all *our* brokenness, adoption, and God's plan for it in our lives, brought us together.

whenever someone thanks us or admires us for "saving" you from "a lesser life," i cringe. because we will never ever be able to know or measure that. and that is not why we began our journey. though i felt my heartstrings tugged by adoption long ago (before i was even anywhere near mothering age), in many ways, i feel like our journey to you was selfish. appa and i needed you and we missed you.

on top of that, i *know* the Lord used you to bring us healing. to heal us from heartache and uncertainty. to remind us of the joy that surrounds each new day; the joy that we often refused to see in those long months spent waiting for you. to show us how to marvel and wonder and give thanks for even the littlest of things. to make us laugh and smile every single day of our life together.

there are days when i completely forget about the long and hard road we each took to get to each other. when i can't believe i haven't known you since forever because our hearts just seem so connected. and there are other days when i just look at you and pinch myself that you are really here. and that you are really ours. and every one of those days and every day in between, i am so thankful that your birthmother chose life and made a plan for your adoption. and every second of every day, i thank the Lord for bringing us together and making us a family.

cb, we love you SO much. so much more than we knew our hearts were capable of. and i know that right now, you love us about as deeply as your two year-old heart can. you probably don't understand all the intricacies of how our family came together. heck, sometimes i don't even understand it all. but i do know that we *are* family. no matter what, no matter how.

and i couldn't imagine it and wouldn't want it any other way. because any other way would mean that you would not be our son. and that's just something i can't bear to think.


that winky face kills me!

i am so blessed to be the one you call umma


and i am so blessed to know and witness your many faces.

i just love them all!

you are amazing. and we are so blessed.

love you to bits,
umma/mommy/and when you're feeling especially silly, "gaaaace!"