thankfully, irene spared us and we are so grateful that there was relatively little damage in our area. we continue to pray for those that were hit harder, especially for their recovery efforts. xoxo.
heigh-ho, heigh-ho! it's back to work i go!
actually, i've been back to work for two weeks working on some school leadership stuff. but today was the first day back for all teachers and today was also the day it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
"it" referring to mommy guilt, of course.
i am back to work full-time this year. and i truly am excited for a new crop of kiddos and all the learning that will happen for them and for me this year. i love, love, LOVE my school and my colleagues and am so proud of our accomplishments from last year and i just know this year is going to be phenomenal, too. i can feel it in my bones!
but, that doesn't mean i'm not feeling super anxious about leaving my baby for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
i know he'll miss me (well, at least i hope he will!), but i also know he enjoys his time with his friends. his extroverted personality does so well with the consistent social interaction with his peers, too. but part (okay, right now, a big part) of me definitely feels lots of guilt about leaving him. there is a nagging feeling that i am missing out on some of the best times of my little guy's life.
i know the guilt is made all the more stronger because we are coming off the heels of an awesome summer and some amazing time together. and rationally, i know that summer is but a season, and often a magical one at that. i know that, come the dark and dreary days of winter, if i were at home with choi boy, we would be fighting to stay entertained and have meaningful time together, because they can't be all fun, special summery kinda days. but part of me wonders if it's those dark and dreary days that would be the most meaningful. because we'd have to fight to make it meaningful.
i also know i'm being a bit melodramatic. (i have that tendency, if you haven't caught on by now. ;) ) we'll still have 5 hours together in the afternoons and evenings. we'll still have weekends and holidays and breaks. and of course, we'll still always have summers.
but, for right now, i'm letting myself be melodramatic and i'm letting myself wallow in self-guilt. just a little. i think i need to get it out of my system for a bit. i'm sure it'll always be an inner-battle for as long as i am a working mom, but it's certainly magnified during these first few days back.
after all, when you get used to seeing this face all day long,
and then suddenly you don't,
man, is it rough.