sprinkles on top.

when we were in the thick of our infertility struggles, there were many days when the phrase that reverberated at the front of my mind was, "it's NOT fair!" many, many tears were shed as i sat and repeated this phrase. to me, it was not fair that people like britney spears and teenage girls who had no desire to have a baby seemed to be popping out kids left and right. it seemed so unfair that we had this desire in our hearts, and month after month, year after year, the desire went unfulfilled with seemingly no hope of seeing it come true.

there are definitely still days like this now, but they are fewer and farther between. for sure our adoption process and the closer we get to getting a referral and bringing little choi home has made things easier, but i think i've also come to realize in a clearer and truer way about God's grace and sovereignty.

i mean, by definition, God's grace means that we were given life when we deserved death. so, because of that, anything else is just sprinkles, whipped cream, fudge, and caramel on top (i love me a good ice cream analogy!). if i were to take inventory of all of these "extra" things i have been blessed with in my life, my list would be very long...there is so much to be thankful for and so much that i already have that brings me joy and is beyond what i need.

of course, this is waaaay easier said than done. as i said, there are definitely days when i wallow in sorrow and pity myself, but by when i take the time intentionally think about all that i *do* have, it can get me out of that funk. though, admittedly, a good cry is sometimes very cathartic. :)

through this, i am learning to live by the words that i tell my kindergartners...that fairness isn't about everyone having the same thing, but about everyone having what they need and what is right for them. it's unfair of me to judge britney spears and women who have children that they may not have initially wanted or judge people that i write off as unfit parents. perhaps God is using these little babies to do something great in the lives of their parents and these children are what they need and what is right for them...

i think that realizing this has not in any way diminished our desire for a child, but it has actually made us more thankful for the little sprinkle that will be entering our lives. :) and hopefully that will happen SOON! i know that when we meet the little guy or gal, we will know that he or she is what is fair and right for us.

on a sidenote, mmmm...ice cream...:)

congrats, sandy!

last night i shushed peter so i could watch what i like to call the "superbowl for women", aka, the oscars. :) i was so happy for sandra bullock when she won! i know not everybody's a fan, but i've always liked her since "while you were sleeping." there's just something about her that seems so relateable; that even though she's a celebrity, you could just hang out with her, you know? (on a sidenote: i feel the same way away about reese witherspoon and am convinced that she would be my celebrity best friend)

anyway, i loved sandra's acceptance speech...i will admit, it made me tear up. although, that could be because i was remembering "the blind side" -- shamefully, i cried during the opening credits of that movie in anticipation of all the tears i would surely shed during the actual movie. and believe me, i cried buckets -- it was SO good!

here's sandra's speech in case you didn't catch it:


i loved the part at the end when she thanked, "what this film was about for me, which are the moms that take care of the babies and the children no matter where they come from."

i know she wasn't talking specifically about adoption, although i think it was intended to be included within that statement, but that's what it made me think of. it also reminded me of something a former student's mother once told me. she told me that she told her son (my student, who was adopted) any time he asked about being adopted, "you may not have been born in my tummy, but you were born in my heart and i love you just the same." so beautiful, right? i can wait to meet the baby that is already born in our hearts. :)

the view

**do you like our new banner? so cute, right?! many, many thanks to the very talented gracieK for creating it for us! i "met" her through stumbling upon her blog and am so grateful that she was willing to work on this banner for us...thanks, grace!**

last week, an episode of "the view" was dedicated entirely to the subject of infertility -- thanks, tina, for giving me a heads up about this episode! (you can watch the full episode here, but i'm not sure how much longer it will be up on the abc site, so you may have to check youtube). bill and giuliana rancic came on and shared their story of their journey with infertility and several different doctors and other couples also shared their stories and expertise. i didn't agree with all the side comments the ladies on "the view" made, especially whoopi, who really was not very nice at times, but then again, i never fully agree with those ladies, which is why i rarely watch the show. well, that and the fact that when the show's on, i'm in the middle of herding kindergartners to the cafeteria. :) also, whoever the fact card writer was for this particular show did not do a great job because the ladies had their facts about the couples all mixed up throughout the show. but, in spite of these two caveats, it was a fairly good show.

i was really encouraged by the fact that "the view" was taking the time to address this issue that affects, according to the cdc facts on the show, 1 in 5 couples. it was also really great to see a celebrity couple come forward and share openly about their struggles with infertility. infertility is often such a private matter, and understandably so, so it's encouraging to see that it is being brought to public light, making it something that's okay to talk about if and when a couple chooses to do so. a lot of times people don't share about their infertility until after they have had a successful intertility treatment or adoption because it's too painful to do so during the midst of the struggles. but here were 3 couples that shared openly about their current struggles, putting a face to this issue.

if you want to learn the basics about infertility, watching this episode might be a great place to start...i never thought i'd say it, but good job, people of "the view"! :)

our furry, four-legged baby

this post is dedicated to piper, our crazy 2 and a half year old mutt.

we adopted piper back in october 2007, and she's kept us on our toes ever since she came home with us. we found her on petfinder, a site that allows you to search for animals at different rescue organizations and shelters -- if you're looking for a pet, check it out! we found out that she and her littermates would be at a local adoption fair and when we went to the fair, peter reminded me, "now, we're just going to look, okay?" but when we saw her, we knew she'd be coming home with us...how could we say "no" to this face?:



it's definitely been an adventure keeping up with piper and in some ways, it's given us some good parenting practice, especially in the area of patience. she's currently in the running for worst dog of the year (mostly by piper's own self-nomination) and she seems to have a pretty good grasp on the lead. in the past few months alone, she's torn up our carpet (although, peter will admit that this was his fault), chewed up our guest parking pass, eaten 4 books (2 of which were library books), eaten a leather journal, and here's the kicker...she ate the lenses out of peter's glasses!!! kandy, our old family dog that we had while i was in high school and college, was so meek and mild-mannered and often tried to pass herself off as the third daughter. so, before piper, when people told me their dogs "ate" things, i thought, "naw, they didn't really *eat* it, they just chewed it." but, as the owner of her royal craziness, i can tell you honestly and truly that dogs really *do* EAT normally inedible objects...i have seen the remnants in the number 2s to prove it! gross, i know.

but, as crazy and weird as she is, we love her and she has added a lot of fun and energy to our life. please don't think all she does is drive us crazy and that dogs are not worth having because they totally are! she makes us laugh, she loves us, and it is always nice to come home to another being that is so, so happy to see you, no matter how long you've been gone. :) she's actually really great with kids, and we are excited to see how she will interact with our new little one when he or she comes home. i just hope and pray that she does not try to eat the baby.

i'll leave you with some pictures of the pipe...as you can see, we have a lot of fun with her, especially when we (okay, I) make her pose for ridiculous pictures...heehee.

piper as "hairy potter"


piper, la belle


reading the economist...


swimming at the dog park


and finally, with her bff, scout...doesn't this look like a picture of racial harmony? :)