this is from last easter, but i love it so much, i wanted to repost it for today. plus, i love seeing little(r) cb. plus, i'm too lazy to come up with a new easter post.
:)
He is risen! He is risen indeed. hallelujah! HAL- LE- LU- JAH! oh, and one more thing. we hope you have a joyous easter! that's right, we're talkin' to YOU.
there are several household chores that i am neglecting right now, but i *need* to get these thoughts down before i forget them and need to be reminded of them yet again...
yesterday, my friend and i went to get massages. it was kind of a new mommy treat and a pick-me-up before i head back to work next week. i had been looking forward to it for weeks. a massage in and of itself is a rare treat for me, so that, coupled with the fact that it would be the first true alone time i had since choi boy came home made it extra special.
but, the whole time i was driving there and the throughout the entire hour of the massage, i couldn't fully relax. i missed my little guy. lots and lots.
but, really, i couldn't relax and slow down because images and words and statistics from the devastation in japan kept racing through my mind.
it is heartbreaking to see yet another natural disaster wreak havoc upon a nation. and it is gut-wrenching to hear about all those who were lost.
and as i lay there on the massage table, i felt so guilty and so selfish. because here i was being pampered, while the other side of the world was just consumed in tragedy.
now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with pampering yourself. it was just that this "treat" was kind of a culminating smack in the face for me. a wake-up call of sorts.
because you know what?
my life is so good.
and yet, i often fail to see that and i complain so much.
if it isn't one thing, it's another.
when we were waiting for choi boy to come home, my heart ached for him to come home and i felt like everyday was a complaint. now that he's home, i am so utterly grateful to have him in my arms. but you better believe there is complaining when naps are short or tantrums are happening.
and not only do i complain, i worry and stress and fret about things that i should be grateful to even have in my possesion or grasp. i worry and complain about our home and cars. i worry about our possible next adoption. i get stressed about whether we should switch agencies. i worry about whether we should specify the gender for our next adoption.
i worry ALL. the. time. about choi boy. is he transitioning well? is he developmentally where he needs to be? why didn't he get any taller since his last appointment? is he going to FREAK out when i go back to work? does he love us? does he feel safe with us?
do you see? it's like i have so many things i'm complaining about or worrying about that there's hardly any room for anything else.
and that's why i needed this proverbial slap in the face.
because i felt the Lord tugging on my heart strings and telling me to stop. to remember. to love. and to be grateful.
because although i don't know why things like earthquakes happen, they do. and at any moment, an earthquake, be it natural or a personal earthquake of sorts, could rock my world.
and if it does, i don't want to have been complaining when it hits. i want to be loving. and remembering. and being grateful.
and if it does, i don't want to stand in the aftermath complaining. i want to love. and remember. and be grateful.
*
on the way to church today, i was listening to the radio and the guy reminded the listeners and that "joy doesn't happen to you. joy is found in a Person."
i want to choose to find that joy daily. and not let all those complaints and worries and stresses rob me of that joy. and i don't want to find my joy in my circumstances...i want to find my joy in Jesus and in all that He has blessed me with.
and when i got to church, as if to seal the deal (hello, grace? it's God. pay attention!!), a sister shared in her testimony the following verse. which was another reminder that i want and NEED to find that joy regardless of what i have. or don't have.
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights." -habakkuk 3:17-19
*
so, friends, if you've gotten through this rambly post and want to help me out, remind me of this. because obviously, i need reminding, seeing as how i'd already tried to remember on my own again and again. if you hear me complain, gently (or not so gently ;), it's up to you) remind me to find and renew that joy and gratitude.
because really, i have so much to be grateful for. and now this is going to sound stupid and shallow, but i know you're diggin' my robin sparkles outfit. like, totally. ;) oh, and the hubs should really be in this picture, but he's still getting over the yuckiness, though he is much better and i am grateful that he is on the mend.
oh man, after i wrote that post this morning, i went to church and the sermon really hit home. the pastor spoke about suffering -- so appropriate and what i needed to hear. i know the word "suffering" sounds a bit dramatic, but sometimes, it's really what i feel like we're doing during this wait and through a lot of this journey from infertility to adoption.
the point that really spoke to me was when the pastor was talking about rejoicing in the midst of suffering. though it sounds crazy to think that one would rejoice while suffering, his point was that there is more to life than just the here and now and that in the grand scheme of eternity, this time of suffering is often but a moment and a mile marker on the road to heaven that builds our faith and brings us closer to God. and, as he said, if you can rejoice through suffering, you can rejoice through anything...amen.
so, i am going to choose to rejoice. and as contradictory (and perhaps a bit disingenuously so) as i may sound from this morning's post to this, i find that i usually have to make the choice to rejoice before i actually can.
i rejoice in the fact that our choi boy is being lovingly cared for by his foster mom. i rejoice because our son is in good health. i rejoice in the fact that we even have the means to adopt. i rejoice because we *do* have a son and we will be with him soon.
and, so, i'm going to focus on things that make me happy.
like finding great deals! :)
yesterday, my friends amy, christine, and i went to a local children's consignment sale and we found some incredible deals for our little ones. i was chatting on fbook about it with dana, and she requested a post seeing all my goodies. so, this one's for you, dana!
because we thought choi boy would be home late summer/early fall, the vast majority of clothes we had for him were t-shirts and warmer weather clothing. my shopping mission when approaching this consignment sale was to find some fall/winter clothing for choi boy, and my goodness, the sale delivered! look at my finds:
how cute is this outfit? i love the orange plaid with the brown pants. it reminds me of fall foliage.
i heart this striped sweater so much. and the navy pants have such great detail with yellow stitching.
don't you love henleys? and this one is thermal, too! and how sweet is that embroidered dinosaur (ahem, apatosaurus)?
this jacket is my *favorite*! i love, love that it looks like a miniature version of a man's jacket. and how can you go wrong with blue suede shoes?? choi boy will have to grow into them, but they are stinkin' adorable.
the best part about the jacket? it's REVERSIBLE! i didn't know this until i got home, so it was like i got a surprise extra jacket! so rad. rad, indeed.
and finally, of course i couldn't leave without some books: but not the hippopotamus (jeepers, that is a hard word to spell!) is my favorite sandra boynton book, and i love the carl books, too. have you seen my duckling? is another sweet one that i love because there are very few words and you have to really look at the pictures to get the story, very much like the carl books.
the best part was that most of these items were new (some still with tags) or very much like new.
and the grand total for all these finds? $23.75. score!
happy now. :)
i just threw all these clothes in the wash and did my first load of choi boy laundry. kind of exciting! and a random question for you mommas...i know you have to wash before wear with infant clothing, but do you have to do the same with new toddler clothing?
for the first part of my spring break, i had the chance to have a short girls weekend getaway and meet up with some of my dearest friends in boston and nyc. it was so refreshing to spend time with these sisters and eat, and laugh, and eat :)
here are some pics from the ny portion of my trip (so sad i didn't get any in boston, sylv!):
grace-squared stuffing our faces at milk and cookies
grace, me, and chris at gottino...photo taken by the owner who spent quite a lot of time on the terrace on his phone with a towel on his head...i love ny. :)
this trip was just another reminder of all the good things and great people that peter and i do have in our lives. we are so thankful and grateful for all the support, love, and encouragement we have received from our friends and family throughout this journey. we would be lost without your prayers and your presence in our lives! i'm so sorry for not replying to all of those beautiful and uplifting emails i got in response to sending out the link to this blog -- things have been crazy in kindergarten world! but, i did read and cherish each of them, really and truly. :)
thank you for being such blessings to us! it is a good friday indeed. :)
the title of this post reminded me of one of my favorite songs, "gratitude" by nichole nordeman. it's a song that always reminds of those sprinkles on top like i talked about in the last post...you can listen to it and read the lyrics for yourself, and i promise you'll be blessed.
Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman
Send some rain, would You send some rain? 'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid But maybe not, not today Maybe You'll provide in other ways And if that's the case . . .
(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You With gratitude For lessons learned in how to thirst for You How to bless the very sun that warms our face If You never send us rain
Daily bread, give us daily bread Bless our bodies, keep our children fed Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight Wrap us up and warm us through Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time Or maybe not, not today Maybe You'll provide in other ways And if that's the case . . .
(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You With gratitude A lesson learned to hunger after You That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread
Oh, the differences that often are between What we want and what we really need
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace Move our hearts to hear a single beat Between alibis and enemies tonight Or maybe not, not today Peace might be another world away And if that's the case . . .
(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You With gratitude For lessons learned in how to trust in You That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream In abundance or in need And if You never grant us peace
when we were in the thick of our infertility struggles, there were many days when the phrase that reverberated at the front of my mind was, "it's NOT fair!" many, many tears were shed as i sat and repeated this phrase. to me, it was not fair that people like britney spears and teenage girls who had no desire to have a baby seemed to be popping out kids left and right. it seemed so unfair that we had this desire in our hearts, and month after month, year after year, the desire went unfulfilled with seemingly no hope of seeing it come true.
there are definitely still days like this now, but they are fewer and farther between. for sure our adoption process and the closer we get to getting a referral and bringing little choi home has made things easier, but i think i've also come to realize in a clearer and truer way about God's grace and sovereignty.
i mean, by definition, God's grace means that we were given life when we deserved death. so, because of that, anything else is just sprinkles, whipped cream, fudge, and caramel on top (i love me a good ice cream analogy!). if i were to take inventory of all of these "extra" things i have been blessed with in my life, my list would be very long...there is so much to be thankful for and so much that i already have that brings me joy and is beyond what i need.
of course, this is waaaay easier said than done. as i said, there are definitely days when i wallow in sorrow and pity myself, but by when i take the time intentionally think about all that i *do* have, it can get me out of that funk. though, admittedly, a good cry is sometimes very cathartic. :)
through this, i am learning to live by the words that i tell my kindergartners...that fairness isn't about everyone having the same thing, but about everyone having what they need and what is right for them. it's unfair of me to judge britney spears and women who have children that they may not have initially wanted or judge people that i write off as unfit parents. perhaps God is using these little babies to do something great in the lives of their parents and these children are what they need and what is right for them...
i think that realizing this has not in any way diminished our desire for a child, but it has actually made us more thankful for the little sprinkle that will be entering our lives. :) and hopefully that will happen SOON! i know that when we meet the little guy or gal, we will know that he or she is what is fair and right for us.
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